How often do we exclaim: “It is impossible to understand this person - he behaves inappropriately!” or we remember a friend: “After talking with her, I feel broken ...” Our psyche is structured like this: the first thing she does is try to find an excuse from a set of things and phenomena she knows. It turns out a whole list: bad upbringing or character, “he’s just a bore, what can you do”, “she is a great original” ... When such manifestations become more peculiar, we wonder - maybe it’s not about character after all Is there a scientific explanation for this? Indeed, the cause of inappropriate behavior can be a psychological trauma that a person received in early childhood. As a rule, he is not aware of it, but it affects behavior in adulthood. Consider the three most common types: toxic, neurotic and dependent person.

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Photo gallery: Inappropriate behavior as a result of psychological trauma

NEGATIVE AND PROVOCATION
Often we are faced with a situation where some acquaintance (or even a stranger) dumps on us a stream of completely unnecessary to us, and sometimes simply negative information. Imagine you come to a beauty salon to get a new haircut, and the master, while working, begins to tell you about how everything in his life is bad: the children do not want to study, and the husband earns little, and the dog spoils the furniture ... You sit, you agree, but you yourself think when this verbal flood will end. And after you leave the salon, you feel squeezed out like a lemon, although before going to the hairdresser you were in a cheerful and cheerful mood.

Who is in front of you?

This type is characterized by generalized names: a toxic personality or a psychological "vampire". A characteristic sign is that you feel a strong energy weakness. When communicating, you understand that he is not interested in you - anyone could be in your place. Toxic people only talk about themselves and never listen to the opinions of others. They are never, nothing and no one satisfies. They criticize, judge, gossip, or need your help, and more often than not, urgently. Often they seem to “roll” over others, humiliating and insulting along the way. At the same time, they do it as if nothing had happened - from their point of view, within the framework of secular conversation.

So, one friend always says at a meeting: “You look tired ... Your skin is bad, gray. Didn't get enough rest? And you can’t get rid of dandruff, right?” It is clear that after such a “compliment” the mood disappears like a balloon accidentally released by a child ... Many, seeing this woman, cross to the other side of the street. But you can feel sorry for her: unenviable appearance, inability to dress beautifully, dissatisfaction with work (instead of the career of a singer, which she dreamed of, the position of a nurse) and personal life. It seems that she is constantly afraid that she will be asked why she no longer sings and why her husband left her? That's why he attacks first. The method of toxic people is a provocation to negative emotions.

Why did they become like this?
They have the wrong set of behavior in society, and the roots of the problem should be looked for in childhood. "Toxicity" can be the result of a person's internal trouble - he sees a dirty trick everywhere, relaxes with difficulty and never opens up to others. He takes a defensive position in relation to others, but often attacks first.

How do you behave?
If it's a colleague, keep your distance. Does he complain to you about another employee? Say, "You'd better take this to your boss" or "Maybe you should see a psychologist?" It is unlikely that he will do this (remember that they only hear themselves - they are not interested in your opinion), but this way you will save yourself from negative impact. Speak politely and smile - this is the last thing a toxic person expects. Ideally, you should not let such a person into your life. If he calls often, don't pick up the phone. Having launched into explanations why you do not want to communicate, he will still get what he needs - your reaction. Don't become a victim by arguing with him. If his hairpins don't cause an effect, he will soon stop provoking you.

LOVE DEMAND
"Mom," a 5-year-old girl addresses her mother, "can I play in the sandbox?" - "No, you can get your dress dirty." - "Can I play with the children in the yard?" "No, I don't want you to become ill-mannered like them." - "Can I have ice cream?" - "No, you can catch a cold in your throat." - "Will I play with this puppy?" - "No, he might have worms." At the end of this dialogue, the child begins to cry, and the mother, turning to a friend with whom she was talking enthusiastically all this time and simultaneously answering her daughter’s questions: “I have such a nervous girl! I can’t stand her constant whims anymore!”

Who is in front of you?

neurotic personality. In the past, people like this mom were called "too demanding," "overly suspicious," and "anxious." At the heart of neurosis lies an internal conflict.

Sigmund Freud believed that here lies the struggle of the repressed (instincts) and repressing forces (culture, morality). And neo-Freudian Karen Horney believed that "neurosis arises only if this conflict gives rise to anxiety." A neurotic personality is always trying to attract attention to itself - with tantrums (hysterical neurosis), fears and phobias (anxious-phobic), weakness (neurasthenia).

Why did they become like this?
Neurotic people look for problems, not solutions, discuss difficulties, find new obstacles. Anxiety makes you worry about loved ones, while limiting their actions. At the core is the feeling that others are inattentive to them and do not understand them at all. It is believed that a neurotic person received a psychological trauma in early childhood, which she could not cope with, and, due to helplessness, reacted with increased anxiety. The desire to be accepted by others drives her into adulthood.

How do you behave?
The demand for love that we may feel has nothing to do with you. A neurotic personality projects onto you the image of one of the parents, whose attention she lacked. Therefore, your love will never be enough for her. Sometimes you will have the impression that after talking with her you are very tired, or become aggressive for no apparent reason. This is a sign that you need to take care of yourself now. “Give out” attention in a dosed manner - your resources will not be enough for a long time.

REGARDLESS
It was very difficult for a woman to communicate with her older sister all her life - there is a 10-year difference between them. The first has a family: a husband and children. The elder sister is divorced and lives separately. And every evening she calls the younger one to consult on certain issues. Moreover, she does not ask for a recommendation directly, but rather asks a question and waits for someone to tell her what to do - from what to buy in the store to whether it is necessary to meet new customers about whom the youngest knows nothing ...

Who is in front of you?
Dependent person. Their basic need is to shift most of the decisions and responsibility for their lives onto others. They constantly hesitate when it is necessary to express an opinion, they cannot make a final decision, even when it is obvious. It seems to them that they will still make a mistake or choose the wrong one. They live with a feeling of emptiness, so if such a person breaks up with a partner, he will certainly need to fill it with someone or something else.

Why did they become like this?
At the heart of this is the psychological trauma that they most likely received in early childhood. The parents of the dependent person probably separated and, without explaining to the child what happened, left him to himself. In fact, he was left alone, and loneliness for a baby is tantamount to death. Therefore, in adulthood, he is also driven by the fear of global loneliness and the need to make decisions on his own ... Just like in childhood, when none of the adults were around.

How do you behave?
If your relative or girlfriend fits this description, then you already know what is happening to them and what could have preceded this. Be attentive to such a person, but defend personal boundaries - the addict easily breaks them. Do not go on about - reduce advice to a minimum, do not let shift all responsibility on you. You will not replace your parents for him, but instead of your life you will live someone else's.

13 signs of an inadequate person. Signs by which it can be assumed that a person is inadequate are individual, depend on the type of personality, character, type of higher nervous activity. But still there are certain features that make it possible to suspect an inadequate person and further confirm this assumption. Our task is to identify the inadequate as soon as possible, preferably even before the start of communication with the person, in order to then correct their behavior and be prepared for the fact that this person may behave unpredictably or try to create problems. Do you know why a person behaves inappropriately? So, what features of inadequate behavior should we note: 1) Unexpectedly and unpredictably reacts to the actions and words of others. 2) Twitches, shows signs of anxiety, rushes about, often changes posture, facial expression. 3) Excessively emotional, too brightly colored speech, "theatrical" intonations. 4) Active gestures, playing "one-man theatre". 5) Inability to listen to others: a person expresses his opinion, often inappropriate, interrupts interlocutors, does not listen to their point of view. 6) Fancy, often flashy clothes. Marginal style, mismatched colors. 7) Inappropriate style of clothing for the institution or event (for example, a person in a T-shirt and shorts, who came to a business meeting or official reception). 8) Fancy hairstyle or hair dyed in a bright color. 9) Tattoos, piercings, many rings on the fingers, earrings in the ears of men. 10) The use of "criminal" expressions in speech ("purely concrete", "without a bazaar"). 11) Unnecessarily abstruse statements out of place, in simple communication (for example, in everyday conversation such an inadequate person can say “relying on the basic foundations of our constructive dialogue with you, I draw a representative conclusion about the following conclusions”). The complex grammatical construction is completely out of place, it looks ridiculous and funny. 12) Pay attention to the person's car, if possible. Cars with tinted windows, loud music, hung spoilers, sills, fenders and other decorative elements are a sign of an often inadequate car owner. 13) People with a medical background may notice a number of symptoms characteristic of mental illness in a person, such as epileptoid personality traits, a symptom complex of a psycho-organic syndrome, schizophrenoid traits. But a person who is not connected with medicine is unlikely to be able to navigate this. Remember, when communicating with a person, you should be careful: note not only what he says to you, but also how he does it, with what intonation, facial expressions, what words he chooses. Pay special attention to the little things, including the posture of the interlocutor, the position of the hands, whether he is twitching or calm. The more information you have about the interlocutor, the more accurate your conclusions about him will be. In any case, do not jump to conclusions before making a decision, evaluate all the facts you have. If it is a business partnership with a person whose adequacy is in doubt, give him a subtle check that will help you draw the necessary conclusions and avoid serious problems. There are no absolute criteria for an inadequate person: each of the listed “symptoms” can only be a personality trait. However, in extreme manifestations, these features lead to the development of inadequate behavior. Therefore, you must approach the assessment of the available facts and data individually in each case.

Reasons for inadequacy

In order to identify the factors that give rise to inappropriate behavior, it is necessary to understand what the concept of "adequacy" means. The definition of this term is rather vague, since the boundary between abnormality and norm is often erased. For example, a certain manner of behavior in one person seems organic and normal to others, but in another subject it causes condemnation and rejection. Excessive extravagance of a young person will be taken as a manifestation of individuality and style, a similar image in an elderly lady will cause ridicule and censure. In other words, the society will consider an elderly lady in an extravagant outfit that does not fit the age period, inadequate.

The inadequacy of behavior, from the standpoint of psychological science, is a behavioral response that does not correspond to the surrounding reality, deviating from the generally established normative postulates and rules.

Simply put, inadequacy means a deviation of behavior, claims of a person, his plans from the limits of established norms, elementary prudence, beyond the limits of behavior that is considered natural to obtain the optimal result, mutually beneficial for the subjects that are included in the interaction.

Inadequacy differs from recklessness in that a stupid individual makes mistakes and acts incorrectly due to delusions, misunderstanding of things, skewed ideas towards an irrational view. At the same time, there is a certain motivation in his behavior. In other words, the actions of such subjects are incorrect, but quite understandable.

Inadequate individuals commit unacceptable and abnormal acts intentionally, realizing this. Acting inadequately, the subject consciously seeks to destroy or deform the established norms of society in his own favor in order to obtain a certain benefit, material or psychological.

The state of inadequacy may occur due to the following factors:

- inborn personality traits;

- individual character traits (egocentrism, gambling, leadership qualities, exaggerated sexual desire);

– social living conditions;

- economic well-being;

- position in society;

- family relationships;

- strong stress;

- psychological trauma;

- serious illnesses, injuries;

- interpersonal relationships, for example, interaction with an individual showing a negative behavior pattern;

- mental disorders;

- an excess of responsibilities (the need to meet norms and standards, reduced deadlines for completing tasks force people to take on an excessive number of responsibilities, the fear of being unable to achieve what was planned is poorly reflected in behavioral response);

- consumption of alcoholic beverages;

- drug addiction.

There can be a lot of reasons that provoke the inadequacy of behavior, in addition to those given. However, it must be remembered that often the essence of the problem is multifaceted and multicomponent.

Signs of inadequacy

There are many signs of inadequacy, but it is necessary to consider it comprehensively. Individuals should not be labeled as inadequate by finding only one of the following manifestations.

The state of inadequacy is expressed in the following actions. And above all, it is found in unpredictable mood swings of a polar nature (bad mood is replaced by euphoria, good - bad), unexpected reactions to people (excessively impulsive behavior). The facial expressions and gestures of an individual who is in the described state do not correspond to what is happening. Such subjects are characterized by excessive theatricality, fussiness, excessive gesticulation, or, on the contrary, unnatural calmness that does not correspond to the situation, a frozen, unblinking look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor.

An inadequate person tends to interrupt the conversation, does not listen to their arguments and judgments, may not listen to others at all, or voice his own opinion off topic. Peremptory statements often slip through. Individuals in a state of inadequacy often express opinions that are completely inappropriate. They can translate the subject of conversation in a completely different direction. They talk more about themselves. Their speech is filled with swear words, rude expressions, slang turns. In addition, they can use demonstratively abstruse sentences in everyday everyday conversation.

In appearance, inappropriate selection of clothes, a style that does not correspond to the event or setting, pretentious or defiant outfits are noted. Appearance also undergoes changes: brightly colored curls, an unusual hairstyle that causes makeup. In the sons of Adam, inadequacy is manifested in excessive piercings, "tunnels" in the auricles, many tattoos, scarring.

Inadequate people tend to perceive "with hostility" any judgments and ideas of opponents during a conversation, regardless of their argumentation and logic. They are also characterized by increased resentment, an inadequate reaction to friendly banter, jokes, harmless jokes.

Inadequacy of behavior can be expressed in aggressiveness, suspicion, motor disinhibition, suicidal attempts or a tendency to self-harm, immoral acts, antisocial actions, conflict, violation of social interaction, categorical statements.

Affect of inadequacy

The described phenomenon is a stable negative emotional state that arises as a result of failure, failure and is characterized by ignoring the fact of a fiasco or unwillingness to take responsibility for failure. It arises as a result of conditions that entailed the subject's need to preserve his incorrectly formed high self-esteem and an overestimated degree of claims.

To admit one's own inadequacy for an individual means to go against the existing need to preserve one's own self-esteem. However, he does not want to allow this. From here, an inadequate response to one's failure is born, manifested in the form of affective behavioral reactions.

The affect of inadequacy is a kind of defensive reaction that allows you to get out of confrontation at the cost of deviating an adequate perception of reality: the individual saves a high degree of claims and inflated self-esteem, while avoiding understanding his own insolvency, which became the cause of failure, avoiding the emerging fluctuations regarding his own skills.

The affect of inadequacy may be limited to one area of ​​the individual's claims, however, it may be of a generalized nature, taking over the personality of the subject as a whole. Children in the described state are characterized by distrust, aggressiveness, resentment, suspicion and negativism. Prolonged stay of the baby in such a state leads to the development of appropriate qualities of character.

Affective babies are often in a steady confrontation with the teaching staff and peers. Therefore, they try in various ways to compensate for their own bad positions, try to attract sympathy for their individuality and attention, thereby striving to satisfy their own claims to good positions, to justify personal self-esteem. Such actions put such kids in absolute subordination to the opinion of the environment, dependence on approval, evaluation by the team. Such bondage can be expressed in two limiting manifestations: in the ultimate susceptibility to group influence and negativistic resistance to group influence. In an adult, the presence of a stable affect of inadequacy is often due to personality traits.

"Something's wrong with your head"

When someone's behavior is alert, frightening, or bewildering, people say, "He's got something in his head." With this in mind mental disorder. Let's see why people behave strangely. And whether every case of strange behavior necessarily needs to be treated by a doctor.

We, as a rule, evaluate someone else's behavior on the basis of our own experience, ideas about the norms of public morality, as well as those rules that we are used to following. For example, "I would be ashamed to behave the way that girl behaves"; “I will be ready to fall through the ground (I will fight, get angry, get scared, I will feel guilty - underline as necessary) if they treat me like that”; “you can’t swear, undress, shout in public places”; “Children must obey their parents in everything”; “It is ugly to gesticulate violently in the company of unfamiliar people”; and so on.

If someone's behavior, from our point of view, goes beyond the acceptable limit, we unconsciously feel anxiety, because we cannot predict this behavior. After all, if we are with such a subject in the same room, we can easily get into an awkward or dangerous situation, since he is not able to regulate his own impulses. In addition, our own personal boundaries are threatened: if a person does not feel the distance that must be observed, he can easily invade our personal space and cause pain. In the situation of the presence of such a person nearby, we feel discomfort and, if we can’t get out of the situation, we are all the time in perceptible tension, being forced to control the environment.

Apparent conduct disorder

Mental patients, being in a state of acute psychosis, may perceive the environment incorrectly, or not perceive it at all. They can act solely under the influence of “voices” or delusional ideas sounding inside them, simply sweeping away from their path everything that interferes with the implementation of their plans. Getting in the way of such a patient can be deadly.

A person's behavior may not comply with accepted standards for a number of other reasons, starting with alcohol, drug or drug intoxication and ending with an acute affective reaction.

People who have been behaving aggressively, strangely or pretentiously for many years, as a rule, have either a severe personality pathology or a severe mental disorder that changes the perception of the world, thinking and (or) behavior. And this is the case when the presence of mental problems is obvious. However, this is not always the case.

Periodic problems

There are a number of mental disorders in which the behavior of a sick person outwardly seems absolutely normal. And you will never guess that in front of you is a person whose behavior may be inadequate - of course, if you do not spend some time with him or find yourself in a close relationship. As a rule, the underlying problems of people with periodic conduct disorders are associated with addictions, mood swings, borderline or narcissistic personality pathology, or paroxysmal mental illness.

There are cases of twilight disorders of consciousness, when an outwardly absolutely calm person committed a serious crime, being unable to realize this. Sleepy states, ambulatory trances, somnambulism in many cases do not at all cause suspicion that a person does not understand what he is doing or does not control his actions.

Cravings for drug or alcohol use are known for their ability to cause a sick person to periodically manipulate others, as well as to do strange, illogical, or dangerous things in order to get the chemical that he wants to use.

Psychoses with visual or auditory hallucinations, delusional disorders with an intermittent or remitting (periodic) course, psychopathy and sociopathy may not manifest themselves outside of an acute episode. We see a normal person with some not very alarming character traits (and who doesn’t have them?), and often very kind and very attractive at all - and we can’t even imagine that the time will come when his behavior will be unbearable and even dangerous. .

"Quiet Madness"

In the most severe cases, emergency medical psychiatric care is required, sometimes associated with the need to involve police officers and the Ministry of Emergency Situations, guardianship and guardianship authorities to send a sick person for treatment.

Call a psychiatrist

In medicine, especially military medicine, the following principle is well known: first of all, they examine those who scream less and ask for help. This is due to the fact that a person who is in a state of shock, helplessness or depressed consciousness, due to the severity of the damage, is not able to ask for help. And if you miss the moment, the case can end in death. All doctors know that the most seriously ill patients do not ask for help. They are silent.

Psychiatry is no exception to the general rule. First of all, help should be provided to those patients from the last category: silent, depressive, in a state of acute delirium or acute hallucinosis; lonely dementia patients who closed themselves in their homes and are unable to serve themselves due to their condition. Therefore, if one of your neighbors or acquaintances suddenly disappeared, it may very well be that trouble has happened to him and he needs professional medical help.

Often people are prevented from providing this timely assistance to a mentally ill person by elementary fear (“yes, he’s still going to pounce”), disgust or prejudice. In this regard, the main thing to remember is that mental patients are people just like everyone else. The same, but constantly living in an extreme situation that their mental disorder created for them. They, like the rest, if it were in their power, would choose a quiet adequate life. Vedas absolutely no one wants to have problems - neither with enemies, nor with health. It is precisely in order to solve their problems that mentally ill people struggle with those intrigues of fate that, as they see, have fallen to their lot. And these "intrigues" are precisely the manifestations of mental illness: the "voices" of enemies; persecutors knocking on doors and threatening to kill; those around them who are plotting something bad against them, and so on. And even if we decide to help, then talking about whether a person is hungry, whether he is healthy, how long ago he slept for the last time, it may not work the first time, since all his thoughts and feelings are focused on getting rid of the threats looming over him.

Psychiatrists have to talk to such patients every day. There are situations when it is impossible to provide help without medical treatment. Therefore, in a situation of severe mental disorder, the best thing you can do for yourself or your loved one is to consult a psychiatrist.

What to do if a person closed in an apartment

Try to carefully ask friends or neighbors about when they last saw him and what condition he was in; what he talked about and whether he talked at all; how he looked and how he behaved. Write a statement about the incident to the district police on whose territory the allegedly ill person lives. If you really want, then carefully, by indirect signs, try to determine whether the one you are looking for is at home. If you have adequate contact with him, try to offer your help by phone. However, avoid being intrusive or looming near the door to his apartment - in the case of a delusional psychosis, you may be considered an enemy, and some kind of weapon will suddenly be used on you. It is better, in the absence of an answer, to entrust such actions to the police. The powers of the latter include the obligation to call a psychiatrist to persons suffering from mental disorders.

For other groups of people behaving inappropriately

there is a following rule. If a person behaves in such a way that it is possible to suspect that he has a mental disorder, psychiatric help can be provided to him without his consent only when his actions pose an immediate danger to himself or others. This is recorded in Article 23 of the Law "On Psychiatric Care and Guarantees for Citizens in its Provision". In other cases, assistance is provided only by court order. An application to the court is filed by a psychiatrist (district officer) who is receiving at the dispensary, or by a doctor in the emergency room of the hospital, if the patient was brought there.

Thus, the correct course of action in relation to a person suspected of having a mental disorder is as follows:

1. Ensure your own safety
2. Call the police if a person violates public order or someone's rights
3. Submit a written application to the psychiatric dispensary at the place of residence of the patient

In conclusion, I would like to note that someone's strange behavior never means a mandatory call to a psychiatrist or hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. Perhaps the person has suffered a mental trauma, severe stress or emotional shock; maybe he lost his nerve, he is offended, angry, annoyed or humiliated. This condition is called "acute affective reaction." Over time, this condition can go away on its own: the person himself will find a way out of the situation. Inappropriate behavior may be due to the fact that he is in a state of alcoholic or drug intoxication, and his inappropriate behavior is associated with this. And this, too, will pass without outside help without examination and hospitalization.

And there is another very important thought that I would like to express. Please remember that in any case, you are solely responsible for your own safety. Try to ensure this safety for yourself first. Do not try to help people who are not helpless. Especially if you are not asked to. If you really want to help a mental patient, call a specialist to him. And then everything will be all right.

Here are some signs of possible inadequacy that you should pay attention to (keep in mind that normal men can also have these signs in appearance, for example, if he is an artist, poet, or a representative of some of the bohemian professions, which sometimes require an inadequate appearance from a person) . So, signs of inadequacy:

1) unpredictable polar mood swings (from good to bad; and also, if suddenly his mood changes from bad to unjustified joyful euphoria);

2) unexpected reactions to you or other people (behaves not logically, but unexpectedly or too impulsively);

3) facial expressions and gestures do not correspond to what is happening (excessive theatricality, twitchiness, excessive gesticulation, or vice versa, a strange calmness in an inappropriate environment, a stopped unblinking look of a "boa constrictor" right in your eyes);

4) interrupts the interlocutors, does not listen to their arguments and opinions, does not listen to others at all, or voices his point of view out of topic, sometimes categorically declares a completely inappropriate opinion or transfers the topic of conversation in general in a different direction;

5) talks more about himself;

6) uses obscene language, rude slang expressions, or generally uses out of place expressions, uses defiantly abstruse phrases in ordinary everyday conversation (for example, you are discussing that who is planning to cook what for dinner today and your new acquaintance says: "I noticed that any individual in a state of mental discomfort is capable of not controlling his cognitive dissonance, therefore, sometimes he does not know what he should have done.");

7) inappropriate style of clothing for certain circumstances, frilly, overly flashy clothing;

8) defiant appearance, dyed hair in a bright color or a strange hairstyle;

9) in men - excessive piercing, earrings in the ears, rings on the fingers or a lot of tattoos all over the body, not to mention scarring (this will also be immediately visible to the camera.) Therefore, we often say - look at the man in the camera and draw conclusions!

Remember! It is impossible to designate an inadequate person by one or two signs if you are not a specialist in the field of psychology. And each of all these "red flags" can only be a feature of his personality.

Perhaps often we call people inadequate if we see only a discrepancy with our expectations. Therefore, be observant, but kind to people. Be respectful of those with whom you communicate, but do not need excessive unsolicited compassion to the detriment of yourself!

But, before you conclude that a person is inadequate, try to understand exactly YOUR attitude towards this. Not imposed by society or acquaintances. And, if you like a person, then you can try to understand the reasons for his inappropriate behavior and not rush to conclusions or a decision. There were times when all friends dissuaded a girl from a relationship with a man, but she followed the call of her heart, eventually got married, left for the USA and gave birth to a child. Although I didn’t even expect that I could ever get married at all. So, everything is individual. Be vigilant, do not succumb to virtual seducers, do not send money to anyone you know on the Internet, do not meet with those who are disgusting to you, do not pay anything for men, do not swear with anyone. And the rest - everything is fixable.

A person’s inadequacy has a lot of reasons, we do not know the details of his childhood and the methods of parenting, the individual characteristics of his personality, level of education and physiology. Unless, of course, it is not blatantly inadequate, so that it hurts your eyes, hearing, and generally causes complete disgust. There is only one conclusion - to run away from this and try not to contact under any circumstances. No patience, fall in love. This is what it means to listen to your heart.

In life, people often face stressful situations that have a bad effect on their behavior. Some of these situations are temporary, while others can last for a long time, causing negative consequences.

Stressful situations can leave an imprint on a person's behavior for life, for example, an unhappy childhood. The loss of a loved one, divorce can seriously change behavior for a while, but after that most people come to their senses. The main sources of inappropriate behavior:

external circumstances.

Inner or emotional state.

External circumstances

Most people succeed when they feel that the situation is under control, and sometimes they can even foresee this or that development of events. In this case, events are perceived as a challenge requiring action. But behavior can change drastically if a person does not get everything the way he wanted. The main reasons for this:

everyday stress

Stress is a state where everything is out of control and seems unpredictable. Usually stress is caused by:

Difficulties at work. The discrepancy between individual skills and requirements causes a feeling of inferiority that depresses a person.

Family and personal problems. Health problems, a stormy romance or a family tragedy completely take over a person. He cannot think of anything else, concentrating his attention only on these problems.

Too many responsibilities. The need to meet standards, the tight deadlines for completing the task make people take on too many responsibilities. Fear that it is impossible to achieve what you want is bad for behavior.

We all react differently to the same stressful situations, but stressful situations affect all people in the same way.

Psychological trauma

Involvement in an incident, guilt or a threat to life can cause one type of stress - psychological trauma. The reaction to this situation is different, but basically people behave the same way. There can be three phases of behavior:

1. At first, the person gets upset and feels bad.

2. Then he becomes passive, does not want to do anything, but follows orders.

3. Then he becomes irritable, preoccupied and cannot concentrate, as a result of which he has a strong emotional reaction.

People differ from each other in that they come to their senses after an injury in different ways. Some recover quickly, while others do not; some recover completely, while others have a psychological trauma that leaves an imprint for the rest of their lives. You will be able to understand the behavior of another person and begin to treat him more condescendingly if you know about the psychological trauma he has suffered in the past.

Alcohol and drugs

Alcohol and drugs can seriously affect a person's behavior. Usually they are resorted to in order to cope with adverse circumstances. Under the influence of alcohol and drugs, it seems to a person that he experiences problems more easily. In some cases, they suppress the negative reaction and temporarily relieve the worries due to problems, and in some cases they stimulate vitality and add confidence.

Solving problems with the help of alcohol or drugs is associated with a Russian nesting doll: you open one doll - you see the next one, and so on. Each previous problem is directly related to the next one, but does not explain it. It is necessary to open the second, sixth, tenth to find out the reason.

internal state

The psychological state of people largely depends on their internal mood, due to physical and chemical changes in the body. Often stress causes anxiety and depression.

Anxiety. Most people in threatening or stressful situations feel anxious and tense. This is a normal reaction. But if someone feels anxiety in situations that others can easily cope with, then you need to pay attention to this, because this is already a real problem.

People who are constantly feeling anxious are always in a tense state. Most of the time they feel bad, they are afraid of stressful situations. Concern about all sorts of problems does not allow you to concentrate and make some kind of decision. Such people often ask themselves questions: “Could I have foreseen the consequences?”, “Did I turn off the light in the bathroom?”

Despite the presence of a reason for such behavior (negative experience in the past, mental discomfort that prevents blocking feelings of concern in case of inadequate reaction to what is happening), it is necessary to understand that, although a person tries to control him, he does not succeed.

Depression. Few of us can live our whole life in peace, without thinking about anything. It is not surprising that we feel despair or become depressed, sad because of events that upset or disturb us. But sometimes depression becomes chronic due to the fact that a person has been in a tense environment for a long time and cannot do anything or simply cannot control his emotions. It turns out a vicious circle: a person cannot get out of depression and from this becomes even more depressed. In this state it is impossible to concentrate, it seems that you are not able to change anything, that there is no future. All persuasions and requests to “stop thinking like that, discard bad thoughts and start acting” remain ineffective. All that can be done for such people is to treat them with understanding and compassion.

Signs of inappropriate behavior

First you need to find out the causes of an inadequate state, to recognize the signs that signal that a person has a problem.

In order to understand that a person is behaving unusually, it is necessary to know what his behavior is normally. If a person does not look like himself for a long time, then this is a sign that he is not all right. Such warning signals can be, for example:

Being late for work before a completely punctual person;

Indifference to everything usually cheerful and energetic person;

Manifestations of irritability for any reason before a completely balanced personality;

The untidy appearance of a usually immaculate-looking person;

Unusual forgetfulness and neglect of details in a person who is scrupulous to the smallest detail;

Absent-mindedness and confusion in a well-organized personality;

Anxiety and sadness in a carefree and cheerful person.

All of these signs signal personal problems, which are usually temporary, but in some cases can develop into permanent ones. Such changes are more often interpreted as a loss of interest in work or laziness. But such an interpretation of the signs that signal stress does not allow us to understand the true causes of behavior change.

Passion for alcohol

Signs of addiction to alcohol are not so easy to notice, because the behavior of a person under the influence of alcohol is not always different from the usual. But there are some signs you need to pay attention to, namely:

Unpredictable and inconsistent activity: one day a person works actively and efficiently, the next - just wasting time.

He often has unexplained "accidents";

He often has incomprehensible mood changes: today he is in a good mood, sociable, joking, and tomorrow he is gloomy and depressed (the mood can change several times a day);

The person is often sick (colds, abdominal pain) or often takes days off;

Invites others to drink during lunch break or after the end of the work day.

It is very difficult to determine whether a person is abusing alcohol or not, because some people are good at hiding it. Therefore, it is advisable to analyze all the results of observation of behavior and take into account the comments of other people. One identified case may not be enough to suspect someone of alcohol abuse. But, if there are many such cases, it is necessary to pay attention and think about it. Conclusions should be drawn very carefully, because similar symptoms can signal other problems (constant irritability at work may indicate a gambling or drug use).

Therefore, before drawing any conclusion, you need to weigh all the evidence. If necessary, seek expert advice.

Drawing conclusions

Inappropriate behavior can be caused by various reasons. People react differently to circumstances, so it is not easy to determine the cause of their discomfort. Knowing some of the causes of inappropriate behavior helps to better understand the other person.

Ask yourself

Analyze how stress can affect people's behavior and answer the following questions:

^ Do you think that people can be depressed if things get out of their control?

^ Do you understand that psychological trauma can affect a person's behavior?

^ Do you acknowledge that some people abuse alcohol because they think it's easier to deal with problems?

^ Do you agree that anxiety and stress can influence behavior?

^ Do you think behavior change is a sign of stress?

^ Do you always notice that someone behaves in a way that is not typical for him?

Everything will work out if…

Recognize that everyday stress can affect people's behavior;

Be aware of the destructive effect of psychological trauma;

Understand that anxiety can change behavior for the worse;

Accept that depression does not allow people to control what is happening;

Understand that very often the presence of problems causes people to abuse alcohol;

Notice that someone's behavior is significantly different from the usual;

Understand that changes in behavior can signal that a person is under stress.

I think that the opinion that has taken root in society that a mentally healthy person should always be in high spirits and with a smile is just a derivative of the fact that a certain intimacy of personal life has ceased to be intimate - the Internet, etc.. That is, it is easier to "keep face rather than explain to everyone that your grandmother died. Plus production requirements - the boss does not care how it is in your personal life, the plan must be implemented. I'm right?

Yes you are right. Of course, the opinion that one must always be positive and the desire for this is due to the modern environment, specifically, the environment of the metropolis. I would also add the desire to be in trend and, let's say, the desire for correctness (proper nutrition, the right hobby, the right car, the right marriage partner, etc.)

The metropolis sets a very rigid rhythm of life. You need to do what is necessary, and plus what you want (for various reasons). But there is a lot of this “want”, there are a lot of offers, and many of them are really good. And it doesn’t matter what it is about, whether it’s about plucking your eyebrows or buying an apartment, everything is presented as a decisive factor for success. By the way, "success" is also a very interesting category, born of modern society.

All this leads to the fact that modern man lives in a state of multitasking, constant movement, changing from one to another. In such a situation, there is no depth (feelings, experiences, relationships, knowledge), because in order to go into depth, one must stop. And if you stop, then suddenly you miss something or you don’t have time ... So they jump across the surface from one to another in the style of Brownian movement, proudly calling this process “search for oneself” or “personal growth”. Either people push out some problems, fears, do not give themselves time to think or explore something, living by the principle: “I will think about it tomorrow”, just so as not to lose the rhythm. The trouble is that tomorrow nothing will change, there will be no time for this.

Many intuitively come to the project approach in life. It is, indeed, very effective, in conditions when you need to do a lot in a limited time. Any project is characterized by transparency: it is clear what is at the input, what will be at the output, what resources will be required, in what quantity and when. And the project has a clear plan, a rather rigid scenario, where each element has its own role. But not everything in life can be planned. Our world is probabilistic, there is a lot of irrationality in a person, and such rigidity does not allow paying attention to other possibilities that differ from the programmed one, but for a person they can be even more effective.

Back to feelings. Any deep emotions and feelings, such as love, change the rhythm of habitual life and carry a risk. Grief, fear, disappointment and other negative emotions and feelings are very unpleasant and are certainly perceived as a threat from which a person is trying to escape into a busy life. There is no time to share the grief of another person, because you have to run. It’s scary to show your grief, otherwise you’ll suddenly fall behind, suddenly turn away, won’t take you with you.

Let's leave love alone for now... Let's focus on negative emotions and feelings. If you pretend that they do not exist, then they will not disappear from this. They will simply be unconscious and will manifest themselves in the form of background anxiety, some kind of the same inadequate reaction. You can't run away either, because, as you know, you can't run away from yourself. And this desire to do as much as possible, “squeezing” positive out of oneself continues until a person has another need or he runs into something (for example, age restrictions, constant failures in some area of ​​life) or something will not happen.

Well, a little more about the environment. Of course, she dictates a lot. But the environment consists of individual people, and we are still dealing with individual people, and not the environment as a whole. Therefore, we can vary our behavior, choose and shape our environment, and finally come to an agreement with them, i.e. with people. But for this you need to take the initiative, coupled with responsibility.

Now, in fact, the answer to the first question:

I would not recommend getting carried away with analysis, namely one’s own adequacy, i.e. try to answer the question: "Was I adequate, how adequate was I?". Since this is an assessment of the conformity of oneself with the external requirements of society. And in an effort to comply with them, a person can push himself: his needs, feelings, emotions, desires, opportunities, etc. As a result, one can come to a situation where a person feels that he is not doing what he should be doing, living in a wrong way, etc.

When evaluating your own reaction, it is better to answer the questions: “Why am I doing this, what am I trying to say or what to achieve, why do I need this. What does it give me? Any person strives for a comfortable existence in society and will try to comply with social norms. Another thing is that this does not always work out due to some kind of mental trouble.

Think that a person can be called adequate in his reactions, if he is aware of them, as well as his actions. If his behavior is controlled by him, and generally corresponds to the social norms of society or the social group to which he considers himself. If he feels comfortable, achieves his goals, solves his problems, his quality of life does not deteriorate, he is socialized.

Inappropriate emotional response, of course, is a marker of mental distress. But NOT isolated cases of such, since any of us can break loose in some situation. The alarm needs to be beaten when inadequate reactions and behavior appear again and again. In addition, a sign of inadequacy may be the failure of a person in an attempt to resolve some problematic situation.

Inadequate reactions do not necessarily indicate some serious mental problems, the cause may be a stressful condition. A person comes out of a stressful situation, and all problems with adequacy disappear. As a rule, a person monitors his inadequacy if his mental processes are preserved. At least, by the reaction of others, he understands that something is wrong. Another thing is that the blame for this can be shifted to others: I lost my temper, but she finished it. Or a person may understand that there is a problem, but not be able to solve it on their own. For example, in postpartum depression, the mother cannot bring herself to take care of the child, but she is aware of this and feels guilty about it.