The psychological essence of the conflict, its main features.

Under conflict is understood as the most acute way of resolving significant contradictions that arise in the process of social interaction, which consists in the opposition of the subjects of the conflict and is usually accompanied by negative emotions and feelings experienced by them in relation to each other.

Prerequisites for conflicts are: lack of communication skills, mismatch of views on events taking place in the organization, the desire to dominate without any reason, a person's demonstration of selfishness and arrogance, emotional restraint, the use of brute force, etc.

The conflict has the following essential properties:

the presence of a contradiction between interests, values, needs, goals, views, motives;

opposition, confrontation between the subjects of the conflict, the desire to inflict material or moral damage to the opponent by any means;

negative emotions and feelings towards each other.

Depending on the characteristics of the conflicting parties, it is customary to distinguish:

intrapersonal conflict - a clash between approximately equal in strength, but oppositely directed interests, needs, inclinations of one person.

interpersonal conflict - two or more members of the same group pursue incompatible goals and realize conflicting values, or simultaneously strive to achieve the same goal in a conflict struggle, which can only be achieved by one of the parties (one of the most common types of conflicts). Many managers believe that the only reason for it is the dissimilarity of characters. However, such conflicts are based not only on subjective, but, above all, on objective reasons;

between the individual and the group - a clash of conflicting interests, needs, values, goals between an individual and a group of people. In foreign trade organizations, examples of such conflicts can be conflicts between the head of a department and a team, between an ordinary employee and a team, between a leader and a microgroup;

intergroup conflict - when the conflicting parties are social groups (firms, organizations) pursuing incompatible goals and hindering each other on the way to their implementation. The organization consists of many formal and informal groups, within which and between which conflicts can arise (for example, between the administration and the trade union of the organization, between employees of various departments, etc.).

The classification of conflicts according to the last two criteria may look like this:

The following can be added to the signs of conflict classification:

the scope of the conflict (local or broad);

duration of the course (short-term or protracted);

the force of influence on the participants in the conflict (affecting the role status of the individual or not affecting the fundamental interests of the individual);

consequences (positive or negative).

Behavioral styles of a manager in conditions of interpersonal conflict: ignoring, adapting, rivalry, cooperation, compromise.

There are the following five typical styles of human behavior in conflict:

Rivalry as the desire to achieve the satisfaction of one's own interests at the expense of another.

fixture, meaning sacrificing one's interests for the sake of maintaining good relations and tranquility.

Compromise as reaching an agreement through mutual and approximately equal concessions.

Avoidance, which is characterized by both the lack of desire to satisfy the interests of the partner, and the lack of a tendency to achieve their own goals.

Cooperation when the parties to the conflict come together to a solution to the contradiction that satisfies both sides.

Rivalry appropriate when:

the outcome of the conflict is very important to you, and you rely on your own solution to the problem that has arisen;

you need to make a decision quickly, and you have enough power to do so;

You are in a critical situation that requires an immediate response;

if it is necessary to put things in order for the sake of the general welfare.

the tension is too great and you feel the need to reduce its intensity;

You need to buy time to get more information or get support;

the outcome is not very important for you, the subject of the conflict is not related to your main goals and interests;

time is needed to restore calm and create conditions for a cold-blooded, balanced assessment of the situation.

Compromise should be chosen if:

you need to make an urgent decision, but you are experiencing an acute shortage of time and information;

You may be satisfied with a temporary solution;

other ways of solving the problem turned out to be ineffective;

there are convincing arguments on both sides in favor of mutually exclusive positions;

the decision is not of fundamental importance to you, and you can revise the original goals without significant losses;

The compromise strategy is characterized by accepting the point of view of the other side, but only to a certain extent. The search for an acceptable solution is carried out through mutual concessions.

The ability of one party to compromise in conflict situations is highly valued by the opponent, as it reduces hostility in relations and allows relatively quickly to overcome the conflict. But after some time, the dysfunctional consequences of a compromise solution often appear, for example, dissatisfaction with a “half-way” solution. In addition, a conflict in a somewhat modified form may arise again, because the problem that gave rise to it has not been fully resolved.

fixture has a "right to life" if:

You are not interested or concerned about what happened;

the conflict will resolve itself precisely due to the fact that the parties continue to maintain friendly relations;

confrontation over minor disagreements introduces undue stress on the relationship of the parties;

You understand that the outcome of the conflict is much more important for the other person than for you.

Thus, adaptation (compliance) implies a person's refusal of his own interests, the readiness to sacrifice them to another, to meet him halfway.

Cooperation possible when:

Your and their proposals are extremely important and cannot be compromised;

the parties involved in the conflict have equal powers or are oriented towards equals to seek a solution to the conflict situation;

you have a close, long-term and interdependent relationship with the other party;

it is absolutely necessary to bring together the views of the parties that have different approaches to solving the problem;

You and the other side are able to listen to each other and work together to resolve the conflict.

The one who relies on cooperation in resolving the conflict does not try to achieve his goal at the expense of others, but seeks a solution to the problem. Briefly, the setting for cooperation is usually formulated as follows: "It's not you against me, but we are together against the problem." The manager should consider the cooperation strategy as the main one, since it is this strategy that most often makes the conflict functional, constructive.

Factors influencing the choice of the appropriate style of behavior by the manager.

On the one hand, it is advisable to know what form of behavior in a conflict situation your colleagues, subordinates, friends are oriented to a greater extent; on the other hand, based on a specific conflict situation, it is necessary to choose the most appropriate variant of one's own behavior in the conflict.

___________________________

*(for reference)

The sequence of actions of a manager in resolving a conflict in which he is one of its participants. Necessary:

a) be clearly aware of the need and possibility of a non-conflict resolution of the existing contradiction.

b) minimize their own negative emotions associated with the conflict;

c) deeply and impartially assess what actually caused and develops the conflict.

d) think over several options for resolving the main contradiction.

e) choose a criterion for the validity of a decision.

f) minimize the negative emotions of the opponent in relation to the manager.

g) have an open conversation.

1. Confrontation (actively defends his position)

2. Evasion (tries to avoid participating in the conflict)

3. Adaptations (trying to work out a solution that satisfies both parties)

4. Collaboration (Looking for a common solution to a problem that satisfies both parties)

5. Compromise (seeks solutions that are grounded in mutual actions) The results of the study show that most often managers give preference

compromise and cooperation; also tend to shy away from conflict and avoid confrontation. But they are all comfortable with collaborating on problem solving, accommodation, and more or less compromise.

The main purpose of this study was to help managers realize that there are several approaches to conflict resolution, each of which can be useful only for each manager in a conflict situation.

For further work of managers on themselves, another method is proposed - assessment
effectiveness of the use of conflict resolution styles, the results of which can also be
submit in the form of a table:

Table 3.3

Assessing the Effectiveness of Using Conflict Resolution Styles

Using this form, the manager himself can analyze the most important conflicts that he faces and evaluate an alternative approach that could be applied with great success (a different style, words and actions, the reaction of other participants in conflicts, etc.).

Conflicts can be prevented by knowing the main groups of causes and by carrying out preventive work at different levels. Primary conflict prevention associated with psychological enlightenment, popularization of psychological knowledge. Employees must gain an understanding of the essence of the conflict, the causes that give rise to it, as well as the consequences; know how the stages of conflict unfold.

In the process of this work, recommendations are given on conflict-free communication, the rules of behavior in a conflict situation are assimilated, individual and group consultations are provided from self-knowledge of positive and negative qualities, the behavior of employees in a conflict situation is analyzed, which is already a small place in life and professional experience (not necessarily one's own) , the degree of adequacy of doi.

At a higher level of prevention, as a rule, active teaching methods are used: group discussion, business and role-playing games, psychodrama. For risk groups (conflict groups) communication training is organized. Psycho-correction work is aimed at removing negative states (frustration, stress), at building self-confidence and the ability to independently resolve conflicts.

The most important factor that determines a healthy socio-psychological climate is the level of organization of collective activity. It is determined by the entire system of social relations, the improvement of existing leadership and management practices, the improvement of the general culture in society and in the activities of the leader (a prerequisite for civilized prevention and resolution of conflicts within the enterprise, the enterprise with other organizations and representatives of state bodies).

The process of conflict management depends on many factors, most of which are difficult to control. Stereotypes, ideas, prejudices can sometimes nullify the efforts of those who develop a solution. Depending on the type of conflict, different services can be engaged in the search for solutions: the management of the enterprise, the personnel management service, the department of the psychologist and sociologist, the police, and the courts.

Five methods of conflict resolution are used.

ü Avoidance is, in essence, avoiding conflict. This form of behavior is chosen when an individual does not want to defend his rights, cooperate to develop a solution, refrains from expressing his position, avoids a dispute. This style suggests a tendency to avoid responsibility for decisions. This method may be appropriate if the subject of disagreement is not of great value to a person, if the situation can resolve itself, or if there are no conditions for a productive conflict resolution, but after a while they will appear. In other cases, in my opinion, this style of behavior can lead to increased confrontation.

b Smoothing - the rejection of self-interest. The reason for this behavior may be the desire to win the location of a partner in the future. This kind of consent can be partial and external. It is rational to do this when the subject of disagreement is of less value to a person than the relationship. This behavior often has nothing to do with solving the problem that is the source of the conflict. On the contrary, problems, like emotions, are driven deep and accumulate in this form, and become a source of conflict in the future, moreover, even more destructive. For effective leadership of subordinates, this strategy should not be dominant.

ü Coercion - a way to eliminate the conflict through the use of power. The conflicting party in this case is suppressed by the power of power. Often coercion is accompanied by aggressive behavior, ignoring the opinions of others, indignation of the opposite side. This is an unfavorable and unproductive outcome of the conflict. In a team, when using this method, management suppresses the initiative of subordinates and can lead to repeated outbreaks due to deterioration in relationships. Effective in a situation that threatens the existence of the organization or prevents it from achieving its goals.

Compromise - accepting to a certain extent the point of view of the other side. The search for an acceptable solution is carried out through mutual concessions. The advantage of this outcome is the mutual balance of rights and obligations and the legalization of claims. Compromise relieves tension. In some cases, a bad decision is better than no decision. The ability to compromise in managerial situations is highly valued, as it reduces hostility and allows relatively quick resolution of the conflict, but after some time, the dysfunctional consequences of a compromise solution may appear, for example, dissatisfaction with "half decisions". In addition, a conflict in a somewhat modified form may arise again, since the problem that gave rise to it has not been fully resolved.

ü Problem solving - a way to resolve the conflict, which implies the willingness of the conflicting parties to recognize the existence of different points of view on the problem, to acquaint them with them and find solutions that suit both parties. This way of resolving the conflict is considered to be optimal. It does not involve achieving one's goals at the expense of others and is aimed at finding ways to solve the problem that suit both parties.

I would also like to mention the Thomas-Kilmenn system, in which, in addition to the considered methods of resolving the conflict, there is another one - this is competition. Competition is a competitive interaction that is not focused on the obligatory damage to the other side.

He depicted his graphical model of behavior styles in the following scheme, which was called the Thomas-Kilmenn grid.

Thus, the conflict is overcome by various means, and the success of its resolution depends on the nature of the confrontation, the degree of its protractedness, the strategy and tactics of the conflicting parties.

So what actions should the leader take if conflict in the organization is obvious? First of all, open this conflict. Correctly assess the situation. Distinguish the external reason from the real cause of the collision. The reason may not be realized by the conflicting parties themselves or consciously hidden by them, but it, as in a mirror, is reflected in the means and actions that everyone uses to achieve their goal. It is necessary to understand how contradictory the interests of the disputants are. For example, with all the desire it is impossible for two departments to work on the same computer at the same time. This is a tough conflict, where the issue is resolved "either - or." In order to neutralize the displeasure of the bypassed, it is necessary to give him the opportunity to win in another. Often the interests are more compatible, and it is possible through "negotiations" to find an option that partially satisfies both sides without winners and losers.

Conflict in management and the behavior of the leader in a conflict situation.

Conflict management is an activity carried out at all stages of their occurrence, development and completion. Conflict management includes their prevention and constructive completion.

Conflict is a complex phenomenon with many different and opposing foundations. The conflict is a dynamically developing process that has not only forms of manifestation, but also stages of development. At the same time, the conflict can and should be managed, and managed in such a way that its negative, destructive consequences can be minimized, and constructive possibilities are strengthened.

There are several effective ways to manage conflict situations. They can be divided into two categories: structural and interpersonal. A simple difference in characters should not be considered the cause of conflicts, although, of course, it can cause a conflict in any particular case.

Conflict management is a conscious activity in relation to it, carried out at all stages of its emergence, development and end of the conflict. It is important not to block the development of the contradiction, but to strive to resolve it in non-conflict ways. Conflict management includes their prevention and constructive completion.

The manager must start by analyzing the actual causes and then use the appropriate methodology. In order to avoid conflicts with employees and between employees, it is necessary:

in communicating with subordinates, use a calm tone and courtesy combined with firmness, avoid rudeness in dealing with employees, because rudeness cannot achieve the desired effect, on the contrary, the leader most often gets a negative result, since the subordinate instead of work gets hung up on resentment and worrying;

scolding an employee for poor-quality work only face to face, since behind-the-scenes conversation saves him from shame, and in return, the manager can count on gratitude and assurances that this will not happen again; otherwise, the employee, instead of correcting the mistake, will spend time worrying about the shame experienced;

Praise the employee for high-quality work with the whole team, since it is always pleasant for a person when his manager notices his efforts, and even more so when he does this with all employees; otherwise, he will begin to believe that no one needs his success, and in the future he will not try to work efficiently;

not to allow familiarity in relations with subordinates, observance of subordination is necessary, otherwise it will become impossible to demand anything from their subordinates;

be objective in relation to all employees, which means that the manager must promote or demote, fine and dismiss employees fairly, treating all employees equally (the criterion for promotion can only be the consistently successful work of an employee, and for punishment - consistently bad), having favorites and unloved employees is unacceptable.

· to act as an arbitrator, not a lawyer for one of the parties, it is best to listen objectively to both parties, and then make an objective decision;

· to be out of the conflict, not to participate in squabbles and squabbles, not to spread gossip, because being out of the conflict, it is easier to eliminate it in time;

Resolutely suppress squabbles, gossip and snitching, for which you can fine the employee caught in this for the first time and strictly warn him about the inadmissibility of such behavior, and if this does not help, then this employee must be fired so as not to create precedents; the same should be done with those who are accustomed to "speak out" on any occasion, thereby preventing others from working;

if reconciliation between two employees is not possible,
it is necessary to oblige them to communicate on business, since work should not
suffer because of someone's emotions.

Conflict prevention is the creation of objective, organizational, managerial and socio-psychological conditions that prevent the emergence of pre-conflict situations, the elimination of personal causes of conflicts.

Managers should spend their working time resolving conflicts. Since managers inevitably work in conditions of intergroup conflicts, they are forced to settle them. Failure to do so can lead to disastrous consequences. Conflicts can cause alienation among employees, reduce performance and even lead to resignations.

The leader must remember that conflicts can be resolved through the official bodies of a third party. The third party may be a larger organization that simply orders an end to conflict behavior under threat of dismissal (as in the case of the government's prohibition of strikes and lockouts in labor disputes that threaten the national interest), or it may be mediators.

Managers must be aware that, since the causes of conflicts are different, the way they are resolved also varies depending on the circumstances. The choice of an appropriate way to resolve the conflict depends on many factors, including the reasons for its occurrence and the nature of the relationship between managers and conflicting groups.

Conflict minimization measures include: temporary pauses and reflection before acting; confidence-building measures; efforts to understand the motives behind the conflict; listening to all stakeholders; maintaining a position of equal exchange; delicate training of all participants in the techniques of working with conflicts; willingness to admit mistakes; maintaining the equal status of all participants in the conflict.

The leader can influence the development of the conflict in the following ways:

As a result of negotiations with opponents, when a compromise is reached, the basis of the conflict may disappear.

The leader has the opportunity to change the subject of the conflict, and therefore, to change the attitude towards it.

Separate disputes between conflicting parties from the problem to be solved. It is necessary to focus on the benefits, evaluate alternative solutions and choose the best one at the moment, mutually acceptable to the parties to the conflict.

4. Strive to create ideal jobs. After all, where order and good mood reign, where well-coordinated work is in full swing, there is little room for conflict. The workplace should radiate joy and peace for the employee himself. Managers must create such conditions within the organization that it becomes a second home for the employee.

5. A systematic integrated approach to minimizing conflict situations, namely:

Prevention of conflict situations by increasing the reliability of the personnel management system;

Development of algorithms for resolving conflicts on a scientific basis and a clear scheme of actions of the administration in specific situations (conciliation procedures in conflict situations);

Creation of an adequate system of mental self-regulation and high emotional stability of the staff; the use of psychotechnologies for a positive impact on staff;

Conflict-free procedures for the movement (redistribution), part-time employment and dismissal (reduction) of personnel.

If the conflict is based on objective conditions, then simply interrupting it without taking effective measures to eliminate the causes can put the leader in an even more difficult situation, since after the conflict is interrupted, the conflict situation persists. The conflict in this case simply fades, but can flare up with renewed vigor.

6. An important way to prevent conflict is to make compromise decisions. Compromise can be achieved in four ways through: mutual understanding that among the possible solutions there is not one acceptable to all interested parties; achieving mutual concessions for all interested parties; suppression of the needs and interests of one of the parties; taking into account and meeting the key needs and interests of all stakeholders.

Only an integrated approach to conflict prevention can achieve sustainable, good results. Below is an example of a variant of the conflict resolution algorithm (Table 1).

Table 7. Conflict resolution algorithm

There are no hard and fast recommendations here. Everything depends on the nature of this or that conflict, the conditions of its course. There are several solutions in conflicts, as well as the results of these decisions, and all of them can be correct. It does not matter which of them will be developed, the main thing is that it satisfies the opposing sides to the greatest extent. Intervention in conflict requires a high level of professionalism.

Each of the methods-strategies and tactics used has its strengths and weaknesses and can be more or less effective depending on specific conditions or situations.

Any leader is interested in the fact that the conflict that has arisen in his organization or unit is overcome as soon as possible (exhausted, stopped or terminated), because its consequences can bring considerable damage. It is possible to evaluate the efforts and effectiveness of the use of activities to resolve the conflict by the head on a number of grounds:

1. Clarifies interests:

By promoting the common and non-conflicting interests of both groups;

Informing the other group about the interests of each group,

Eliminating the danger of blackmail based on such interests.

2. Creates a normal working relationship:

Allowing groups to effectively resolve their differences in a given dispute; - stimulating the kind of relationships that groups would like to have;

Making it easier for groups to communicate when the next conflict arises.

3. Helps identify good options:

Encouraging groups to look for many options before proceeding to evaluate and select them;

Encouraging groups to seek ways to articulate values ​​that provide shared benefit;

By instilling in the groups the feeling that the resulting decisions will be fair and just.

4. Based on the availability of procedural alternatives for the parties:

Allowing both parties to realistically assess their options and the options of the other side;

Improves contacts:

By encouraging the testing and evaluation of existing assumptions;

Facilitating the understanding and discussion of the submissions of the parties;

Establishing effective two-way contacts between groups.

5. Leads to reasonable agreements:

Allowing groups to develop agreements that are realistic and feasible;

Allowing the parties to resort to litigation if they fail to reach a final agreement or if it is not implemented.

It is very important for a leader to be able not to translate a conflict situation into a conflict. It must be remembered that the conflict must be skillfully managed before it becomes so strong that it acquires destructive properties. Many people do not have specific conflict management skills and need guidance and appropriate practice.

The causes of the conflict are not always amenable to logical reconstruction, because they may include an irrational component, and external manifestations often do not give an idea of ​​their true nature. The reasons that underlie any conflict can be organizational, industrial and interpersonal.

Organizational conflicts arise due to a mismatch between formal organizational principles and the actual behavior of members of the organization. For example, an employee for some reason does not fulfill the requirements imposed on him by the organization (poorly performs his duties, violates labor discipline, etc.).

An organizational conflict can also arise as a result of the poor quality of job descriptions (when the requirements for an employee are contradictory, non-specific), ill-conceived distribution of job responsibilities.

Industrial conflicts, as a rule, arise as a result of a low level of labor organization and management. The reasons for this kind of conflict may be obsolete equipment, poor work space, unreasonable production standards, lack of managerial awareness on a particular issue and unskilled management decisions, low qualification of employees, etc.

"Interpersonal conflicts mainly occur due to a mismatch of values, norms of behavior, attitudes, personal hostility towards each other, etc. These conflicts can occur both in the presence and in the absence of objective organizational or intra-production reasons, and also be a consequence of organizational or industrial conflict. In this case, disagreements on a business basis turn into mutual personal hostility."

This kind of conflict can also manifest itself as a clash of personalities, when people with different personality traits, attitudes and values ​​are unable to get along with each other. Such people work together poorly, spend a lot of time developing this conflict and defeating the enemy.

Organizational and industrial conflicts are more often constructive in nature and cease as soon as the problem that caused the clash of the parties is resolved. Interpersonal conflict, as a rule, takes a more severe form of flow and is more protracted.

In management theory, there are also the following types of conflicts: intrapersonal, interpersonal, between an individual and a group, and intergroup.

“Intrapersonal conflict is a kind of conflict, which, as it were, does not correspond to the definition of conflict given above. But if an employee receives contradictory or mutually exclusive tasks, then he has an internal conflict.

There are other forms of intrapersonal conflict. For example, it may arise in a situation where the goal or the means of achieving it conflict with the values ​​or certain moral principles of the individual. In this case, the achievement of the goal, the satisfaction of a significant need is accompanied by negative experiences, remorse. In general, with an intrapersonal conflict, a person is characterized by mental stress, emotional dissatisfaction, a split personality (struggle of motives), etc. The experienced painful emotional state, irritability form the basis for an emotional explosion, the reason for which can be any trifle. Intrapersonal conflict is often a harbinger of interpersonal conflict.

"The conflict between the individual and the group includes conflicts between the leader and the group, a member of the group and the group. Analyzing such a conflict, it is necessary to take into account the specifics of the group as an adversary in the conflict."

Examples of situations in which this type of conflict arises may be the following: the leader comes to the unit from outside or takes the leadership of an already established team. In these cases, conflict can arise for various reasons:

a) if the team has reached a high level of development, and the newly appointed leader does not correspond to this level;

c) if the style and methods of management of the new leader differ sharply from the methods of work of the former leader.

Conflict can arise between an individual and a group if that individual takes a position that differs from that of the group. As you know, informal groups control the behavior of their members and require them to comply with the norms and rules adopted in the group, violation of these rules can lead to conflict,

"Intergroup conflict can have a very detrimental effect on the results of the organization's activities, cause great damage to the company, since representatives of structural divisions, departments, managers of different levels, creative groups, etc. are involved in this conflict. These opposing groups can include a significant number of people, and activities organizations as a result of the conflict can be paralyzed."

A striking example of intergroup conflict is the conflict between the trade union and the administration.

All conflicts have several causes, the main of which are the limited resources that must be shared, differences in goals, values, ideas, differences in the level of education, the behavior of organization members, etc.

The question of the causes of the conflict is one of the most important and complex, because often secondary, secondary ones are superimposed on the main cause of the conflict, and it is not easy to understand the problem.

You always need to look for genuine, deep causes and not confuse them with an external cause for conflict. Positive conflict resolution involves finding out what the parties to the conflict want and want.

The main types of intrapersonal conflict: motivational, moral, conflict of unfulfilled desire, role-playing, adaptation and conflict of inadequate self-esteem.

Of these, the most common form of role conflict is when one person is presented with conflicting demands about what the result of his work should be, or, for example, when production requirements are not consistent with personal needs and values.

Summing up, we can say that in communication with people and in business contacts, hidden or obvious conflicts may arise due to a misunderstanding of the true motives of behavior. In contacts with people it is necessary to show tolerance, restraint. Very often, the motives of behavior are not at all those that can be attributed. Arrogance and arrogance can hide timidity and shyness, vulnerability. Fear and anxiety can masquerade as anger and anger. Bad mood can be explained by fatigue. If there is a conflict in the team, you should not leave it. It is very important to be able not to translate a conflict situation into a conflict, since force is usually associated with emotional experiences. If the conflict situation has already developed into a conflict, then it is very important to work with the emotional mood of the participants. The ability to resolve conflicts depends on the ability to transform the mutual representation of participants from enemies to partners. The inability to defuse a conflict situation, to understand mistakes and miscalculations can cause constant tension. It must be remembered that the conflict must be skillfully managed before it becomes so strong that it acquires destructive properties. The main reason for the conflict is that people depend on each other, everyone needs sympathy and understanding, the disposition and support of the other, it is necessary that someone shares his beliefs. A conflict is a signal that something wrong has happened in communications between people or some significant disagreement has appeared. Many people do not have specific conflict management skills and need guidance and appropriate practice. In the order of the main recommendations regarding behavior in conflict conditions, one can point to such guidelines as:

The ability to distinguish the important from the secondary. It would seem that something is simpler, but life shows that it is quite difficult to do this. Virtually nothing but intuition can help a person. It is necessary to analyze conflict situations, the motives of one's behavior, if one tries to understand what is really a "life and death matter", and what is just one's own ambitions, and learn to discard the insignificant.

Inner calm. This is such a principle of attitude to life, which does not exclude the vigor and activity of a person. On the contrary, it allows you to become even more active, to react sensitively to the slightest shades of events and problems, without losing your composure even at critical moments. Inner peace is a kind of protection from all unpleasant life situations, it allows a person to choose the appropriate form of behavior;

Emotional maturity and stability - in fact, the possibility and readiness for worthy deeds in any life situations;

Knowledge of the measure of influence on events, which means the ability to stop oneself and not "pressure" or, conversely, accelerate the event in order to "own the situation" and be able to adequately respond to it;

The ability to approach a problem from different points of view, due to the fact that the same event can be assessed in different ways, depending on the position taken. If you consider the conflict from the position of your "I", there will be one assessment, and if you try to look at the same situation from the position of your opponent, perhaps everything will seem different. It is important to be able to evaluate, compare, connect different positions;

Readiness for any surprises, the absence (or containment) of a biased line of behavior allows you to quickly reorganize, respond promptly and adequately to a changing situation;

Perception of reality as it is, and not as a person would like to see it. This principle is closely related to the previous one, following it contributes to the preservation of mental stability even in cases where everything seems to be devoid of internal logic and meaning;

The desire to go beyond the problematic situation. As a rule, all "unsolvable" situations are ultimately solvable, there are no hopeless situations;

Observation, which is necessary not only for assessing others and their actions. Many unnecessary reactions, emotions and actions will disappear if you learn to observe yourself impartially. A person who can objectively evaluate his desires, motives, motives, as if from the outside, is much easier to control his behavior, especially in critical situations;

Foresight as the ability not only to understand the internal logic of events, but also to see the prospect of their development. Knowing "what will lead to what" protects against mistakes and wrong line of behavior, prevents the formation of a conflict situation;

The desire to understand others, their thoughts and actions. In some cases, this means reconciling with them, in others - correctly determining your line of behavior. Many misunderstandings in everyday life happen only because not all people know how or do not take the trouble to consciously put themselves in the place of others. The ability to understand (even if not accepting) the opposite point of view helps to anticipate the behavior of people in a given situation;

The ability to extract experience from everything that happens, i.e. "learn from mistakes", and not only from your own. This skill - to consider the causes of past mistakes and failures - helps to avoid new ones.

In doing so, you should always remember: Do not expand the conflict zone; Offer positive solutions; Do not use categorical forms; Reduce the number of claims; Sacrifice the secondary; Avoid insults.

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