Change for the better: externally and internally

Sooner or later, but in a person's life there is a moment when everything around becomes alien, gray and routine. Few people overcome such an identity crisis calmly, without negative consequences. Some, asking the question: "How to change yourself?", resort to emotional actions that do not have the proper effect, and as a result, they cannot get off this "dead" point, remaining in place or getting carried away by bad habits (alcohol and drug addiction).

Where should change begin?

"Alteration" of oneself and one's life is a complex process in which measuredness is the prerogative. That is, you should not rush to radically change anything, this requires preparation and a clear attitude towards the result. It is worth remembering that a positive attitude plays a big role in the transformation, since negative emotions and doubts significantly slow down and complicate the transition process.

How to start a new life and change yourself? The first step is to determine the negative state and unpleasant moments that do not suit a person at the present time. It is important that during self-diagnosis all problems be written down on paper - a visual image helps the subconscious to concentrate and not miss important information.

The second step is to identify the reason for the need for change. By writing them down, a person creates for himself the motivation for action that can improve life and eliminate problems.

How to change yourself for the better? The third step is to decide on the goal, to choose the most desirable one, thanks to which life will regain its bright colors, and dreams will become a reality. The most common mistake many people make is that at this stage of restructuring their own world, they are unable to decide what exactly they want from life. Goals must be realistic and achievable.

The fourth step is the definition of actions after the desired result is achieved. Depending on what exactly a person wants to achieve, he needs to analyze in detail and describe what positive or negative things can happen after completing the task.

Action is an integral part of the transformation process

In addition to the purpose and motivation that drive change, action is required for complete and proper change. How to start a new life and change yourself? Get started:

• go in for sports, if you want to lose weight;
• learn, if you want to acquire new knowledge and skills;
• communicate more with the opposite sex, if the goal is to achieve his location.

Any action at first can be rejected by the human consciousness, since it is directly related to the state of the body at the moment. Is he comfortable? Warmly? Worried about hunger and fatigue? Then why does the body need to get up and out of its comfort zone in order to complete a given task? In this regard, many are faced with the problem of implementing how to change themselves for the better. At this stage, it is necessary to overcome the natural setting of consciousness, to force it to submit to its will.

Key points to get started

Setting is one of the main aspects of the future step towards change. A correctly formulated and constantly repeated thought about victory and achievement of a goal helps to overcome the barrier of consciousness that repels the very idea of ​​the impending "perestroika". How to change yourself? Mentally imagine yourself there, in a new life, with new emotions and opportunities, perform such a procedure as often as possible, and your brain will “absorb” it like a sponge, making it a prerogative for itself. In order not to turn off the intended goal, you can draw up a kind of action plan, which will detail the steps that can be completed in the very near future. For example:

• What do I need to sleep? Go to bed no later than 22:00.
• What should you do to fall asleep earlier? Stop watching TV late/spend time at the computer.

The plan should look like this: question - action.

Obstacles you may encounter

Powerlessness, fear, insecurity, laziness, apathy, fear of letting something new into life - these are psychological blocks that are turned on by the subconscious at the stages of change. Many, faced with such problems, do not attach much importance to them, thinking that everything will go away by itself, but in reality it turns out exactly the opposite - during bouts of laziness or unreasonable fear, a person is not able to act according to the plan, which means that he can't get out of his comfort zone and change his life.

How to change yourself and bypass possible psychological blockages? First you need to understand in detail your own "I" and the world around, determining what exactly is the nature of the origin of the barriers in each case: domestic troubles, financial problems, environment (friends, family, colleagues), bad experiences, mistakes from the past? It is necessary to calculate the settings and programs that prevent new positive thoughts from directing a person to the goal, and then eliminate them from the subconscious.

A guided path to change. Ways to change yourself from the inside

Due to changes in the inner self, a person changes on the outside, his daily roles undergo major changes, and old habits cease to exist. Most psychologists consider this method of eliminating "malicious programs" the most gentle and controlled. Change yourself! The installation itself is that a person must independently change priorities.

Shock

Sometimes in life there are shock situations that make you reconsider your attitude to the world, people and yourself. From the point of view of psychology, a method of this kind is not ideal, since it cannot be controlled by a person, and therefore the result can be the most unpredictable - instead of laziness that has haunted a person for many years, fear and insecurity appear, which are even more difficult to eradicate.

life threat

Appealing to the instinct of self-preservation often helps to overcome psychological blocks and change oneself without changing oneself. Anticipating a strong threat, a person acts decisively and quickly achieves the task. However, the use of subconscious coercion is considered a complex and time-consuming process, requiring great physical and psychological costs.

Change of social circle, place of residence, work

Changes of this kind can occur both consciously and unconsciously. For conscious action, in some cases it is necessary to overcome the psychological barrier. The influence of the new society must be strong enough to overcome the subconscious, and positive, pulling a person up, not down, otherwise the likelihood of a change in personality for the worse increases.

Vision of the result now

By creating a certain fixed idea for himself, a person provokes the formation of new neural connections, the rooting of the goal. In turn, the subconscious mind ceases to put up invisible barriers to its achievement, making the goal a priority. How to change yourself internally? The main thing here is to be able to focus attention on the result, as well as to have the patience of a child getting on his feet and trying to take the first steps. Choosing a method of seeing the result, you should be ready to go towards your goal, regardless of mistakes and failures.

Repetition and encouragement

Thoughts are material, which means that the constant scrolling in the mind of information about the goal and the positive result leads to its achievement. When the desire “I want to change myself” arises, one should repeatedly repeat the installation on this process.

For each perfect action, for each, even the most minimal step, in order not to provoke a new manifestation of psychological blocks, a person must encourage himself. Many people who have changed themselves, with the help of this method, got rid of invisible barriers. "Goal - achievement - reward" - such a scheme will allow you to "implant" a new setting into the subconscious mind in a short time.

Psychologists agree that the beginning of change is one of the most important stages in a person's life. Any changes, even the most insignificant and imperceptible, contribute to personal, spiritual growth, gaining new experience, and hence the development of society as a whole. A person changes - the world around him changes, the old environment fades into the background, everything new that comes with changes adds brightness to life.
Experts recommend following the self-improvement tips below.

slowdown. Mental stop time

In everyday life, many experience an acute shortage of free time, but it is the main assistant in how to change yourself. Our thoughts need constant "shoveling", and actions - in understanding. Give your subconscious and consciousness at least half an hour a day, and you can easily determine why you need change now.

Desire is the best motivator

Crave change - and only then will they overtake you. Without a person's desire to change, no one can force him to do it. Regardless of the quality of life today, you should know that you can change everything for the better.

I'm the only one responsible for everything

A person must be responsible for his actions. Is your personal life not working out? Constantly lacking money? Are you unable to contain negative emotions? Remember! It is worth blaming only yourself, not relatives, not politicians and deputies, not lovers, but yourself. After accepting this for granted, opportunities, options and easy paths for life changes will open up to a person.

Values

Identifying values ​​will help you navigate in the future what you need at the moment, what you most desire. Proper prioritization helps you make healthy choices. For example, now the most important thing for you is the birth of a child, but you can’t get pregnant in any way - this will serve as motivation for creating a plan to achieve the goal.

Determination of the cause

An important aspect, without which the further course of changes is impossible, is the identification of a problem or a reason that makes one think about changes in one's "I". Cause-and-effect relationships force a person to act immediately, therefore their definition is especially important.

Say "No" to limiting phrases

“I can’t,” “I can’t and won’t succeed,” “I will (always) suffer all my life.” Perhaps you have already come across phrases of this kind that sound in your head at the moments when you need to perform some responsible action. In order to accurately diagnose the presence of limiting phrases, they should be constantly written down, and then replaced with motivational phrases ("I can", "I will do" and so on). This will help to correct your thoughts and tune in a positive way.

Rejection of bad habits

Determine which habits have the most impact on you, and then replace them periodically. Eventually, they will completely disappear. Do not abruptly abandon what you are used to doing in everyday life - gradually replace the waste of time with some useful thing. For example, instead of playing games on the computer, read a book or do housework.

mood

Hope for the best allows you not to give up, but remember that excessive, unrealistic expectations may not be met, and you will lose interest in moving on. The main thing is a minimum of skepticism, a maximum of positive and self-confidence, as well as a realistic attitude.

Finding Help and Support

There is nothing prejudicial in asking for help from a person who has more life experience than you. A kind of mentor will help you go through the thorny path of change without much loss and mental costs. It is better that it be a person from your inner circle, or a professional psychologist.

Stimulus

For each person, the best incentive is his egocentrism and vanity, the desire to occupy a place higher than anyone from his environment. There is nothing to be ashamed of, because your changes are primarily for yourself, so stimulating the process of personality change with the help of negative character traits in everyday life is considered a good way. The stimulus combines the goals, values ​​and motivation of a person, forcing the person to act and fight the subconscious.

There is a deep-seated feeling in all of us that we should act and think the way we act and think. It corresponds to our beliefs or is their expression. If there were no conviction, then there would be no manifestation of it. There is something in us that causes excess weight, leads to bad relationships, failure, poverty, frustration, etc.

How many times have you said to yourself: I will never do this again!” Despite this statement, you eat cake again, light a cigarette again, be rude to people you care about, etc., even though the day has not even ended when you made a promise to yourself not to do this again. And yet we do it.

And then we complicate the problem even more when we angrily say to ourselves: You don't have the slightest willpower!" And this makes even more difficult the unbearable burden of guilt that we already carry on our shoulders. Instead, tell yourself: I want to be free from the hidden desire to be unworthy all the time. I deserve all the best in life, and I allow myself to accept it with love.».

The attitude of many of us towards life is primarily a feeling of helplessness. We have long given up on life with its hopelessness and hopelessness. For some, the cause is countless disappointments, for others, constant pain, and so on. But the result is the same for everyone - a complete rejection of life and an unwillingness to see yourself and your life in a completely different way. Well, if you asked yourself the question: “what exactly causes constant disappointments in my life?” What is it that you give away so generously that causes others to annoy you so much? Everything you give, you get back. The more irritated you are, the more you create situations that irritate you. I wonder if you were annoyed now, reading the previous paragraph? If yes, then that's great! That's why you need to change! The decision to change Now let's talk about change and our desire to change. We all want our lives to change for the better, but we ourselves do not want to change. Let someone else change, let "they" change, and I'll wait. In order to change anyone else, you must first change yourself. And you must change internally. We must change the way we think, the way we speak, and what we say. Only then will the real change come. Personally, I have always been stubborn. Even when I made the decision to change, this stubbornness got in the way. But I still knew that this was where I needed to change. The more I hold on to a statement, the clearer it becomes to me that it is from that statement that I need to free myself. And only when you are convinced of this from your own experience, you can teach others. It seems to me that all excellent spiritual teachers had an unusually difficult childhood, went through pain and suffering, but learned to free themselves, which they began to teach others. Many good teachers are constantly working on themselves and this becomes their main occupation in life. Exercise "I want to change" Repeat the phrase: "I want to change for the better" as often as possible. While saying this phrase to yourself, touch your throat. The throat is the center where all the energy needed for change is concentrated. And be ready for change when it enters your life. Know also that if you think that somewhere you are unable to change yourself, that is where you need to change. “I want to change. I want to change." The forces of the Universe will automatically help you in your intention, and you will be surprised to discover more and more positive changes in your life. Another exercise Go to the mirror and say to yourself: "I want to change." Pay attention to how you feel about it. If you find yourself resisting or hesitating, ask yourself why? For God's sake, don't berate yourself, just celebrate it. Ask yourself what statement or thought makes you feel this way? You have to dissolve it, no matter. whether you know where you got it from or not. Go back to the mirror, look deeply into your eyes, touch your throat and say loudly 10 times: "I want to be free from all resistance." Working with a mirror helps a lot. Looking yourself in the eyes and saying positive things about yourself is the fastest way to get good results.

How can you change? Change your beliefs

Change your beliefs and your life will change ! Every thought we have can change! If unwanted thoughts come to you all the time, stop yourself on such thoughts and tell them: “Get out!” Instead, accept a thought that can bring you good luck. Self-improvement is based on three principles:

• Desire to change.
• Mind control.
• Forgiving yourself and others.

We talked about the desire to change for the better above, let's talk about control over the mind. We are all much more than our minds. You probably think that the mind is responsible for everything in your life. But such a belief is based only on the fact that you think so.

Your mind is a tool that can be used this way and that way. He is always at your service. Turn off the chatterbox in your mind for a moment and think about the meaning of the statement: "your mind is your tool." And you decide how to use it.

The thoughts you choose create all your life situations. There is incredible power in thoughts and words. And when you learn to control your thoughts and words, you will be in harmony with this power. Don't think that your mind controls you. Quite the contrary, you control your mind.

Exercise "liberation"

Take a deep breath and then exhale all the air. Relax your body. Then say to yourself, “I want to be free. I release all tension. I release all my old beliefs. I feel calm. I am at peace with myself. I am in tune with the process of life itself. I'm safe".

Repeat this exercise three times. When you feel like you are in a difficult situation, repeat these phrases to yourself. And then they will become a part of you and will be so natural that all tension and daily struggle will gradually disappear from your life. So relax and think of something good. It's so easy.

physical relaxation

Sometimes we need to relax physically. Negative experiences from the situations we find ourselves in and the emotions we experience often remain in our body. One form of physical release from this is to close all the windows in your car or house and scream at the top of your lungs. Beating a pillow or bed with all your might is another harmless way.

Playing various sports or taking a brisk walk will lead to the same results. I once experienced a hell of a pain in my shoulder that lasted a day or two. I tried to ignore it, but it didn't disappear. Then I asked myself: “What’s going on, what’s the matter? What annoys me?" I couldn't find an answer, so I said to myself, "Well, let's see."

I put two large pillows on the bed and started hitting them as hard as I could. After the twelfth stroke, I knew exactly what annoyed me. Everything was clear, and I began to hit the pillows even harder and thus freed myself from feeling irritated. When I finished, I felt much better, and the next day the pain was completely gone.

Liberation from the past

Many of my patients say they cannot be happy now because they have been traumatized in the past. Because they didn't do something that they should have done. Because they don't have more than what they valued most in the world. Because they've been hurt and they can't love; something unpleasant happened earlier and they remember it. Because once they did something terrible and curse themselves for it. Because they can neither forgive nor forget

Constantly remembering your past means only hurting yourself more. Those who are guilty before us - they do not care. "They" don't even know the extent of our pain. Therefore, there is no point in concentrating your thoughts on the past. It is gone and cannot be changed. However, we can change our attitude to him.

Exercise "liberation from the past"

Let's look at the past only as a memory. If you remember what you wore in the third grade, then this memory will be without any emotional evaluation. The same applies to all events in your past.

As we become liberated, we become able to use all of our mental power in the present moment. We can change for the better. Again, watch your reaction. What will you need to do for this? How willing or willing are you to let go of your past? What is your resistance level?

Forgiveness

Our next step with you is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the answer to all questions and problems. I know from my own experience that when we have problems in our life, no matter what kind, it means that we need to forgive someone.

Love- the only answer to any of our problems, and the way to such a state - through forgiveness. Forgiveness dissolves resentment. There are several ways.

Exercise "dissolving resentment"

Sit somewhere quiet, relax. Imagine that you are in a darkened theater and there is a small stage in front of you. Put on the stage the person you need to forgive (the person you hate the most in the world). This person may be alive or dead, and your hatred may be both in the past and in the present.

When you clearly see this person, imagine that something good is happening to him, something that is of great importance to this person. Imagine him smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes and then let it disappear.

Then, when the person you want to forgive leaves the stage, put yourself there. Imagine that only good things happen to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling. And know that there is enough goodness in the universe for all of us.

This exercise dissolves the dark clouds of accumulated resentment. Some will find this exercise very difficult. Each time you make it, you can draw in the imagination of different people. Do this exercise once a day for a month and see how much easier life becomes for you.

Exercise "mental representation"

Here is another very good exercise. Imagine yourself as a small child (5-6 years old). Look deeply into this child's eyes. Try to see deep longing and understand that this longing is for love for you. Reach out your arms and hug this little child, hold him to your chest. Tell him how much you love him. Say that you admire his mind, and if he makes mistakes, then this is nothing, everyone makes them.

Promise him that you will always come to his aid if necessary. Now let the child become very small, the size of a pea. Put it in your heart. Let him settle there. When you look down, you will see his little face and you will be able to give him all your love, which is so important to him.

Now imagine your mother when she was 4-5 years old, scared and longing for love. Stretch out your hands to her and tell her how much you love her. Tell her that she can count on you no matter what. When she calms down and feels safe, take her to your heart.

Now imagine your father as a little boy of 3-4 years old, he is also very afraid of something and cries loudly, inconsolably. You will see tears streaming down his face. You now know how to soothe young children. Hold him close to your chest and feel his trembling body. Calm him down. Let him feel your love. Tell him that you will always be by his side.

When his tears dry, let him also become very tiny. Put him in your heart with you and your mom. Love them all, for there is nothing more sacred than the love of little children. There is enough love in your heart to heal our entire planet. But let's heal ourselves first. Feel the warmth spreading through your body. Softness and tenderness. Let this precious feeling begin to change your life.

My schedule

My day usually goes like this: when I wake up in the morning, before I open my eyes, I give thanks for everything I have. After a shower, I meditate and pray for about half an hour. Then morning exercises (15 minutes). Sometimes I do gymnastics along with the 6-hour morning program on TV.

My breakfast consists of fruits and herbal tea. I thank Mother Earth again for sending me food. Before lunch, I go to the mirror and do the exercises: I either say them or sing them. These are type statements:

• Louise, you are beautiful and I love you.
• This is the most beautiful day of my life.
• Everything you need to know will come to you.
• Everything is fine.

I usually have a big salad for lunch. Once again, I bless my food and give thanks. Somewhere in the afternoon I listen to a tape with statements. For dinner, I eat steamed vegetables and porridge. Sometimes chicken or fish. For my body, simple food is best. In the evening I read or study. When I go to bed, I mentally recall the past day and bless it. I say that I will sleep perfectly and wake up in the morning for a beautiful day. Sounds strange, doesn't it?

So, how do you start your day? What do you say or think in the morning when you wake up? I remember a time when, waking up in the morning, I thought: “My God, I have to wake up again. Another day". And I got exactly the day I imagined. One trouble after another. Now, before I open my eyes, I give thanks for the good sleep and for all the good things in my life.

About work

Some of us, dissatisfied with our chosen career, constantly think:

• I can't stand my job.
• I hate my job.
• I don't make enough money.
• I am not appreciated at work.
• I just don't know what to do.

These are negative thoughts that bring you a lot of harm. How do you think to find a good job if you think like that all the time? It's called approaching a problem from the wrong end. If you currently have a job that you hate for some reason, you need to do the following.

Start by blessing your current job, because it is a necessary milestone on your path. You are now where your life beliefs have taken you. So start blessing everything at your job: the building you work in, the elevator, the rooms, the furniture and equipment, the people you interact with.

If you want to leave this job, then constantly tell yourself that you are releasing this job with love and giving it to a person who will be just happy in it. And know that in reality, many aspire to the position that you occupy at work.

“I am open and ready to accept a job that would use my abilities and talents. This new work will allow me to realize all my creative abilities and will satisfy me.” If someone at work bothers you, bless that person every time you think of them.

Although we do not choose to do so, it is important to know that in each of us there is a little of Hitler and of Jesus Christ ... If such a person is critical, imagine him as a person who praises everyone: if he is cruel, tell yourself that he is gentle and fair. If you see only good in people, then they will show you their excellent qualities, regardless of how they behave with others.

© Louise Hay. Heal your life. The strength is within us. - M., 1996

Perhaps one of the most common and dangerous human misconceptions about a person is the belief that one cannot change oneself, one's personality. This belief rests on the conviction that there are qualities, abilities, tastes, habits and shortcomings assigned to us that are the essence of our personality and cannot be changed. Often heard “Well, I’m such a person (lazy, without certain abilities, necessary qualities, etc.) I can’t do it differently and there’s nothing to be done about it”. Many people think so and carry this belief all their lives.

So is it possible to change your personality? If yes, then how can you change yourself?

Can you change yourself?

Or, indeed, a person is something imperishable and unchanging, and all the metamorphoses that can occur in it are, so to speak, cosmetic and do not concern its essence. I am sure that you can change yourself and for the better: get rid of personal shortcomings, acquire and develop certain qualities, change your character ...

Everyone can, if he wants, be transformed beyond recognition: overcome "natural" cowardice and shyness, becoming a strong character and confident, moderate the tendency to anxiety and worries, gaining strong nerves and equanimity. Yesterday's timid and downtrodden young man can become a sociable and young man, simply by making some effort.

And it would be a mistake to believe that this young man has shyness and isolation in his blood and that he is "by nature" clamped and not adapted to communication. This mistake, this delusion is not harmless, from a practical point of view, in nature, such as the delusion that Singapore is the capital of Africa (of course, provided that you do not pass the final exams in geography at the institute, and if you fail, you will not waiting for a lot of unforgettable experiences in the vast expanses of our country as part of an army unit).

This false belief is much more dangerous than a harmless geographical one, because, believing that you cannot change yourself, you give up, you are afraid to make efforts to work on yourself and you live with your shortcomings that prevent you from living and poison the life of those around you. of people.

Why am I so sure that can you change yourself?

Firstly, the human species is naturally equipped with a strong adaptive potential, the ability to change, adjusting to the conditions of the surrounding reality. This makes a person flexible and makes it possible to change either under external influence or by controlling the conscious efforts of the will from within, commensurating this effort with the internal need to change the personality. (in the context of this resource, we are interested in the latter, namely the conscious control of how we will change and whether we will change at all. We ourselves want to decide what we become? Right?)

Secondly, there are many examples of how people have changed either for the worse or for the better. One such example is myself, the author of these lines. I managed to overcome internal resistance and become more self-confident, disciplined, organized and sociable.

This has manifested itself in an improvement in the quality of my life and the realization of significant life achievements. But before, I also considered laziness, a tendency to worries and depression, cowardice, shyness, the inability to control oneself and control one’s feelings, as inherently my enduring qualities and did not believe in the possibility of changing them.

It seemed to me that I am who I am and will remain so. Reality showed that I was wrong: I coped with depression and anxiety and panic attacks without any pills or treatment, my mathematical abilities improved (I used to think that I didn’t have them at all) even my musical tastes changed (not just changed, but greatly expanded) and much more, this list can be continued for a very long time.

The value of fighting yourself

So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of destroying himself by believing in the immutability of his personality, still takes and tries to work on himself and change. Even if he fails to become what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Since the struggle and attempts to cope with the internal resistance that is sure to arise along the way, if you want to change yourself, always pays off!

Acting in spite of resistance, against your weaknesses and ingrained habits, you train your will and temper your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what guides you comes!

And exactly the opposite. An individual who is used to seeing himself as a collection of unchanging characteristics, habits, shortcomings and pathologies always follows his character and weaknesses. It remains as it is.

His will is not tempered in the fight against feelings, he is controlled by his Ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates to them: his will weakens, and the true essence begins to fade behind the abundance of shortcomings and habits.

Internal struggle and resistance and their value is the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only of an instrumental nature (that is, not necessarily only a means to achieve a certain goal: the fight against complexes in order to defeat them), but they also carry great value in themselves. I will write more about this more than once.

Can personality change?

You must understand that your true identity is not a multitude of habits, fruits of upbringing and childhood traumas. All this is just tinsel and habits of the mind and senses!. This is acquisitive, i.e. appeared as you become and will also disappear as soon as you want to: after all, all this is not written in your genes. Personality is a dynamic, constantly changing concept, and not something predetermined forever!

Well, of course, there are some natural limitations, innate inclinations, etc. Something that you will not affect in any way, and I understand this very well. At the same time, I see a general need to exaggerate the number of those personality factors that supposedly cannot be influenced.

What is simply an acquired defect, manifested as a result of laziness and unwillingness to do something, is mistakenly perceived by many as a natural and once and for all determined personality trait! Perhaps this is just a psychological ploy designed to write off responsibility for one's character from a person.

This is the same blatant delusion as "congenital illiteracy"! (Well, think about how it can be innate? We are all born without knowing the language, our first words are the simplest syllables “MAMA”, “PAPA”) In fact, many properties of our being, which we fundamentally cannot influence due to natural, There are far fewer natural restrictions than we are all used to thinking.

And you yourself will be convinced of this when, as a result of your self-development, you experience many positive personal metamorphoses that will affect those of your qualities that you previously considered rooted in you forever.

My experience of personal metamorphoses

I myself managed to overcome many internal negative character traits that have bothered me since childhood and would continue to bother me and spoil my life (and I was a very weak and sickly child, and then a young man and had many shortcomings (and now I have them, but much less). It is a pity that I did not pay attention to them even then and did not start working on myself, having secured the confidence that I was able to cope with it.

And the practice only confirmed my confidence, giving me a valuable result both in terms of developing my inner potential, and in the context of improving the factors of external comfort and order (relationships with people, financial situation, life achievements, etc.), as a reflection of personality changes.

Usually those who say “I am such a person and will remain such” have never tried to do something with themselves and change for the better. Then how do they know that nothing can be done?

How to change yourself? This is a big question and almost all the materials of this site will be devoted to this. After all, self-development and self-improvement imply changes in oneself, and this is always the case. Therefore, this article is simply an attempt to break down a well-established misconception and call for action and may give hope to someone that you can change yourself. And you can find specific recommendations now and later as they are published on the pages of this site - the topic is very extensive.

Is it unnatural to change for the better?

Once I ran into such an objection. “They say, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Isn't this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person?
I asked counter questions: “Well, what do you think shaped your personality, what factors influenced its formation? Why are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some innate parameters (heredity, natural predispositions, etc.).

Basically, all these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the social circle is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. So it turns out that the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that do not depend much on your will, you consider natural.

And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities in you meets your goals - does this mean it is unnatural? To follow the lead of external circumstances, attributing everything to the mercy of chance ...

What is so right and natural in this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself?

On the contrary, by determining the vector of self-development on your own, you bring the order into your life that you yourself desire and do not allow external circumstances to completely decide what you will be like. This brings you closer to the implementation of your life plan, to satisfaction with yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and not content with what external circumstances have imposed on you.

As for the question “why change yourself?”. I answer it, perhaps, in most of my articles in an explicit and implicit form. I will answer again. Self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.

The best and worst qualities of a person

By the best qualities, I mean those qualities of nature that correspond to considerations of personal comfort and happiness, harmonious relationships with people, success in life, overcoming difficulties, inner peace, order of thought, health, willpower and spiritual freedom.

Bad qualities are those that make us suffer, get angry, torn in internal contradictions, make our lives difficult and poison the lives of others, make us sickly, dependent on passions and desires, morally and physically weak.

Developing good qualities and freeing yourself from bad qualities, you strive for happiness and freedom, doing the opposite, you fly into the abyss of suffering and dependence. Self-development implies the first. When you develop the best properties of your nature, you change, as new abilities appear in you and old shortcomings disappear. This is the meaning of self-development in these positive personal metamorphoses.

That, in fact, is all, no tricky philosophy or relative morality, everything rests on your personal happiness and harmony, and not on some abstract ideas. This is what I want you to strive for and what this site is all about.

I have already said what a terrible mistake it is to believe in the impossibility of changing oneself. But even more dangerous thing is the lack of need to change something in yourself. Many believe that they are already the crowns of creation, the most worthy representatives of the human species, and they have seen all sorts of sites of self-development in the coffin.

It really happens that a person is really very developed, but most often he falls into the trap of his pride and pride, believing that he has nowhere to develop, because almost always there is an opportunity to move somewhere and improve something.

And besides, very often education and upbringing are not able to fully develop personal potential (and can even harm somewhere), leaving behind a lot of gaping gaps, undiscovered abilities, hidden anxieties and complexes within the structure of individuality.

Therefore, in almost all cases, it is necessary to make efforts in order to make something out of yourself: after all, few people are so lucky that their educators and parents were able to give the leap necessary for harmonious development and solve all the internal problems and contradictions that arise.

If you're wondering can you change yourself?, then you recognize the presence of such properties in yourself that need to be changed and do not consider yourself an ideal and a dead end of development and everything is not so scary, you are taking the first steps towards self-development, standing on the threshold of wonderful metamorphoses.

It remains only armed with the support that I will provide you with my advice and recommendations for self-improvement, with a song to move on this difficult but bright path.

Change is the main constant of our life. Sometimes it is a way to survive in a changing environment (when change is a response to an external threat). Sometimes - a way to overtake everyone (when change is an opportunity). But change is always a way to be and stay alive. That wind of change that does not allow to stagnate. Which sometimes turns out to be stormy. But always - whether it blows in the back or in the face - it is always energy.

1. Maintain readiness for change

And so the first advice: expose your face to the winds, at least sometimes - keep the window and doors open.

In my pioneer childhood there was such a “test”: “Imagine that you live alone in the forest. And you don't expect anyone to visit. And all the paths were covered with snow. Will you clean the paths? As then, as a child, I still believe: it is worth cleaning the paths. What matters is the readiness for change.

It is important to pay attention to the “weak signals” of change: dissatisfaction with oneself, the practices of colleagues, friends, competitors.

2. Learn from the best

Tip two: develop a set of methods that provoke your change. One of my clients invented this format of “development provocation” for himself: once or twice a month, he invites the best professionals in his field for lunch (“knocking” on social networks “from the street”). And in the process of this communication, he discovers for himself inspiring ideas, best practices.

3. Invest in your development

4. Create a support network

Another commandment from this case: build your own support network, don't be afraid to ask for help. Indeed, for the helper, this is one of the most pleasant and noble types of assistance - assistance in development. Do you know the story of how Steve Jobs, as a schoolboy, got into his first "computer practice"? Whom and how did Richard Branson attract, again, at school age, to cooperate in the magazine he published? Ask. And it does not matter that we, dear reader, have already overcome school age ... Ask - you will be rewarded.

5. Find the meaning of change

Many changes originate on the outer contours of our lives, our organizations. And we are not always the initiators of change, at best we are participants, at worst we are victims.

Fifth tip: look for the meaning of the changes for yourself (not “why do I need this”?, But “why do I need this”?). Look for an opportunity and an active role in the changes that invade your life. About this - in a wonderful speech by Steve Jobs to Stanford graduates (2005). If you haven't read or watched, do so. Jobs in this speech says: "It's good that I left college, it's good that I got fired from Apple." Exactly in the sense that we said above: take every change in life as a chance and an opportunity. Start doing and understanding something new.

6. Stay true to yourself

It is important to handle the energy of change carefully. I know many people who, striving to always be “ahead of change” (by the way, the title of one of the classic books on the topic “change management”), betrayed themselves, burned themselves in running around and fussing.

To one of my acquaintances, his progenitor said: “Look, you will lose yourself.” Tip #6: When changing, be mindful of your boundaries. Get out of the comfort zone, live in the development zone, but be careful with experiments in the danger zone.

7. Set a specific goal

Seventh tip: formulate a specific goal, albeit small, but measurable. In money, in kilometers, in minutes. For example, one sacred day off a week with your family. Visualize it. Remember the film "The Secret" and the laws formulated in it? The energy of dreams - into the image and into the goal. And, by the way, come up with a reward for yourself for achieving the goal. What will you allow yourself when you reach your goal? A long-awaited purchase? Vacation? And if you also discuss it with your “support network”?! They are capable of a lot!

8. Practice new things

Dreams do not work until we ourselves work. This is one of the negative side effects of The Secret: some viewers get the impression that just dreaming is enough. Eighth advice: every day or reasonable regularity. And a simple meter - for example, 10 minutes for your own health, but every day. There is a special kind of heroism in this regularity: I do it in any weather. And this is a powerful motive of self-respect. Enough to get involved.

9. Don't back down

And stop yourself from retreating. Ninth advice: burn bridges, take the first irreversible step. The easiest way to do this is to tell everyone about it. “From today I…” – and retreat, “move out” is still possible. But it's more difficult.

10. Create your own rules

And the last tip: find your game and make it a new habit, a new way of experiencing pleasure. The book I recommend to all working people is Work as an Inner Game 1 . Its author is one of the founders of coaching, Timothy Galwey. It is about how to recognize the games that we play inside ourselves, how to create productive games while playing for fun.

Your own game of change awaits you, your new culture: to change for pleasure. Make her rules!

1 T. Galvey “Work as an internal game. Disclosure of personal potential” (Alpina Publisher, 2013).

Despite the simplicity of the question, it is actually insanely complex and individual. After all, for everyone, the best side looks different, and the ways to achieve perfection always border on difficulties. In this article we will try to give you the main ways to change yourself (your character, behavior, outlook on life, etc.). We cannot guarantee your changes only after reading our article, however, if you complete most of the proposed points, you can be sure that you will not recognize yourself at all!

7 steps to change yourself for the better

1. Start the fight against bad habits! You won't get better if you have bad habits. The fact is that they will interfere every time: either you will be constantly scolded for them, or you yourself will be tormented by thoughts about your shortcomings. They will stop you from progressing in life. Everyone understands perfectly well that it is impossible to get rid of bad habits quickly, but for this you just need to start. Let it be a decrease in the dose of nicotine or alcohol, but you will start to somehow move in a positive direction. You can read more detailed instructions on how to get rid of bad habits in one of our next articles on the online magazine site, so subscribe to updates!


2. Make a plan for the next five years! It is unrealistic to become better in one day, it is also difficult to become better in a year, but in five years it is more than possible, and you can change in such a way that you simply do not recognize yourself. Your plan should be 100% realistic (whatever happens) and also very detailed. You must know what you will be doing in any of the months of your life. Also make a system to help you keep track of how far you have deviated from your plan. It is quite simple to create such a system - write in front of each month of the future what results you should achieve. We remind you that goals should not be sky-high, especially if it concerns your weight, then you will not lose 20 kilograms in 1 month, no matter how much you would like to. And if it concerns money, then they should also be according to the plan as much as you can really get. It is better to overfulfill your plan than not reach the minimum mark.


3. Do good deeds. A good person is easy enough to distinguish - he always does good deeds! Doing good is not only useful, but also pleasant. After all, think how easy it is to help an elderly woman carry bags or fix a broken fence in the country. It is easy for a child to get a kitten from a tree, and for a young mother to lower the stroller from the floor to the street. Such actions require a minimum of time and effort from you, but at the same time you get an incredibly positive attitude, words of gratitude and not only your personal opinion of yourself, but also the opinion of others grows. You don't need to refuse help, especially if it costs nothing for you, you shouldn't turn a blind eye to injustice, you don't need to be indifferent - and then you can change yourself for the better!


4. Be honest with yourself and those around you. Another feature that distinguishes a positive person from a bad one is the ability to always be honest. It is always easier to lie than to tell a person the truth in the eye. There are so many brazen lies around us that sometimes it even becomes bad. And everyone lies - acquaintances, friends and even close people. No, lying for good is one thing, but lying for selfish purposes is a completely different situation. There are few honest people on earth, but they exist! Do you want to be one of the few?! Being honest is difficult not only with the people around you, but also with yourself. After all, remember how often we deceive ourselves ?! Example: got nasty in the store?! And we walk along the road and think that it's my own fault, crawled under a hot hand or at an unnecessary moment. Cut wages? It's just that the boss is a bastard, and that's it?! ... But in fact, everything is the other way around than in the previously described situations. The rudeness was not your fault, but the cut salary was due to your mistakes.


5. Keep your word. Several centuries ago, honor was not just an empty phrase, people died for it and were afraid to miss it all their lives. One of the main points of honor was the ability to keep one's word. Do you want to change yourself?! Learn to keep all the promises you have made. Do not dare to say out loud what you cannot achieve, and if you have already mentioned it, then if you please, do what has been said, no matter what it costs you. Those who keep their word are respected and listened to in any society, as they always know that the words spoken by this person are not an empty phrase, but the truth that cannot be disputed. It is very difficult to keep the promised word, even not everyone can do it, but it is definitely worth learning!


6. Build strong relationships with your significant other. You will not be able to become better without having love in your heart that could warm you at any moment of your life. Man is a creature that cannot live without love, he will always strive to find a person with whom he would like to spend the rest of his life. Therefore, if you are not in search of your love, you will never be able to achieve perfection. After all, it was not in vain that all high-ranking officials had second halves. After all, it is also an indicator that a person knows how to create a family, values ​​it and tries in every possible way to teach others about it. It is unlikely that anyone will take an example from you if you are lonely and unhappy.


7. Create your appearance the way you like it. It is not enough just to change ourselves inside, because we all evaluate ourselves not only by personal qualities, but also by external ones. Here you need to learn to stop being afraid of experiments - to try yourself in various "roles". This is especially important and necessary for women. It is not enough to change the style of clothing. After all, you must change your hairstyle, make-up, manner of movement, gait, etc. After all, only in this way you will believe in your changes. Come up with for yourself the image that would be interesting to you, which you would like to imitate and who to be like. Yes, we agree that there are no ideal women, and making an idol for yourself is not right! However, you can take from every famous woman for yourself only those criteria that you like exclusively!

That's all the steps that can change your destiny! They are complex and easy at the same time. Do you want to change yourself? Take action!

The changes take a long time to take effect, it will take many years to change themselves into the person they like. However, it is better to spend a few years on your positive changes than to live a life that you would not like at all!