Work connects me and my husband. You will work for me! Is it worth it to work together? Rarely get divorced due to working together

This could happen to all of us one day. “Darling, my heart bleeds when I look at how and for what pennies you are straining at this job. I have a great idea - you will work for me!”

This could happen to all of us one day. “Darling, my heart bleeds when I look at how and for what pennies you are straining at this job. I have a great idea - you will work for me!” And here - attention! You are stepping into a minefield. And it must be prepared according to all the rules of wartime.

So, he offered you a job with him. Here, of course, we mean that he is the owner or at least a co-owner of the business, otherwise all the following tips will not make any sense to you. So, he is the owner ... Which means that his ownership, which up to this point extended to the business and partially (possibly) to you, will now begin to work against the two of you with a vengeance. Who will benefit from this? Well, this is how to look.

Subtle question - money

The fact that he considered your salary as "pathetic handouts" of this "usurper jerk" - your former boss, does not mean at all that he intends to pay you several times more. Firstly, no matter how generous and loving a man he is in principle, the company has a staffing table and no one, from employees to the tax inspector, will turn a blind eye to the "celestial" salary of the boss's beloved woman. And who said that he generally has something to pay for it?

So get ready that you will not be offered anything outstanding, and maybe even less, good-naturedly promising "their special generosity in an envelope." Here - do not be shy! Be sure to specify: how much, in what timeframe, for what amount of work, and is it possible to include this item in the contract? Because… we all, and men in particular, are, of course, honest people, but we always prefer to save money on those who are closer. And who, if not a beloved woman, will understand everything - about the delay in payment under the contract, and about the animal supplier, and about unforeseen entertainment expenses? Moreover, he has nothing to hide, everything is in front of you.

Why do you need him?

In general, if he calls you to his work, it is not out of place to ask yourself: why does he need you? There may be several options and each requires its own approach. Let's say you are a really valuable specialist, and he has a shortage of qualified personnel. Everything is fair, but there is a risk that over time he will hold on to your relationship precisely because he needs you in his affairs. Another option: you are a good specialist, and the affairs in his office are slightly unclean. Low salary, interruptions in interest or no social package. There is a choice, to take anyone from the labor exchange or invite you in the hope that your love and his good attitude will brighten up the cons of everyday work. In principle, if you really understand this situation and are ready to help the man you love, go ahead (where is the guarantee that this cannot happen to an outsider?), but I advise you to hint about a share in the business or increased premiums for the quarter. The main thing here is to let him know that you are making a concession and you have no illusions about him.

To save or not to save?

And it may also be that things are really bad in the office and he expects to get in your person more than an employee, but also an assistant, partner, investor. In a word: “if not you, then who?” In this case, everyone should decide your relationship and only them. Do you love him? Do you love him enough to build his business hand in hand and in fact (as it happens in such cases) - himself! And an important question: as who will you enter his business?

My opinion is that only a full-fledged partner and wife can “save” a man’s business. It's like part of the "in sorrow and in joy" oath. In any other case, for him to ask you to go to him, in a failing business - just like that, because you are together - is akin to humiliation. In such cases, a man should kneel down and say that he asks you to take him as he is now, promises to make every effort to make you happy and that he leaves all the debts and obligations of the past to himself, and the welfare of the future - completely share with you!

If he says so, then take it! Should such an option be considered at all? - I'm quite sure that every second of you will ask. By the way: business in general tends to endure both the best and the worst times. The state of affairs is not equal to the state of a man, although in many respects it is interconnected. I know a lot of cases when it was the love of a woman that made a man reconsider his business positions and rise to a previously unattainable height. And I also know that an unlucky man, like an unlucky businessman, is immediately visible, and this is manifested not only in the amount of money in a bank account. I am sure that you, the reader, are wise enough to immediately cut off unlucky men.

So let's sum it up. If he asked you to enter his business, ask him a few questions:

1) Why? As whom? On what terms? What is your future salary?

2) What kind of behavior does he expect from you in the office? Men usually have a very peculiar vision of how a woman should behave, dress, etc. at work.

3) What else, besides the standard work, does he expect from you? No, it's not about sex in the office... Maybe he wants you to be his "ears and eyes" and the question is, will you like it?

4) How will your personal time be built now? Will everything come to the fact that the house will turn into a branch of the office and all conversations will be only about business. Set your terms - it's important!

5) What will happen to your workplace if you, God forbid, leave? If you enter on the terms of a partner, it is better to resolve the same issue with a lawyer.

And, of course, in such a matter as work, interest decides a lot. If you are interested in his business in principle, this will only enrich you in every sense, but if you are not interested, then soon you will hate not only work, but also him. Therefore - think! And maybe it's not bad at all - to work together! published

Publication date: 05/13/17

Most of the life of a modern person often takes place at work. That is why many arrange their personal lives in the workplace. How else? There is simply no time left to “hang out” somewhere after work in search of a partner. And there are a lot of people in the office, there are also single men, why not connect your life with one of them?

To some, working together with your husband may seem like a dream: all day with your loved one, no need to worry if he is late from work, etc. Others believe that working together with your husband will not lead to anything good. Let's take a closer look at all the pros and cons of this situation.

Benefits of working with your husband:

- The community of interests, if a husband and wife have the same profession or one place of work, is more good than bad. Such a couple will always have interesting topics for conversation, they will be able to understand each other literally from a half-word. After work or on weekends, you can discuss interesting cases that happened at work.

- Some costs are reduced: for example, getting to work together by car is much cheaper than first bringing in a wife, and then going to the other end of the city. Shared lunch - it also helps to reduce costs: you can grab something from the house for two. Returning home, you can stop by the store and make the necessary purchases. Children from kindergarten can be taken in turn.

- Spouses who work together usually take work more seriously, because the level of their material well-being is determined by the activities of one company. The management of many companies is very supportive of couples working together, trying to encourage them.

- Neither the husband nor the wife have suspicions and questions: where have you been? Why was it delayed if the working day ended long ago? With whom did you dance at the corporate party?

- By the way, about corporate parties: they are more fun if you walk with your other half. Such holidays bring together, then there is something to remember, to laugh at.

Cons of working with your husband:

- If you are around the clock, both at home and at work, you are nearby, then you simply do not have time to get bored. So you can get tired of each other.

- You have to do all the work in front of your husband (wife), while it is very unpleasant to look stupid or inept if something goes wrong.

- It is quite difficult to concentrate on work, especially if you are newlyweds and you constantly want to hold each other's hands, hug, etc.

- If your job is to communicate with people, you need to talk to them as naturally as possible - that is, to joke, smile, sometimes even flirt. Now imagine how your husband will react, in whose eyes all this is happening?

- If the spouses occupy approximately one career step, then some kind of rivalry inevitably arises, the spirit of competition: who will be promoted more likely? Who will receive the award? And if one of the couple is really promoted through the ranks, the other will inevitably have the feeling that he has been "bypassed", "infringed", etc.

- It is even worse if one of the spouses is subordinate to the other by position. In this case, it is very easy to lose the concept of subordination, to hope that you can get away with careless execution of the task. And when the "second half" - the boss begins to ask the same way as with others, this can greatly offend. In addition, gossip and rumors almost always arise in the team, they look at the boss’s wife as a kind of “mishandled Cossack” or even a “spy”, they try to talk less with her so that the information does not get “where it is not necessary”.

- The most difficult thing is for those spouses who decide to leave. That is, their relationship has completely deteriorated, things are heading for a divorce, and they are still forced to work together. This is really difficult: you need to “keep a face” in front of employees who are aware of your problems and are watching with curiosity how your relationships at work have changed. In such cases, one of the spouses often has to change jobs, or even leave the city altogether.

Of course, you will have to draw your own conclusion from what has been said. Maybe working with your husband is a temporary measure that will bring you a good income in the family budget. Or maybe this is a way to teach your wife a profession so that she can, in a calm atmosphere, without fear of rude criticism, master all the subtleties of the work. The main thing at the same time is not to lose interest in each other, to remain for a loved one the same mystery as at the beginning of the acquaintance.

According to psychologist Elena Makarova, the fact that a husband and wife work together has its undeniable advantages. This is a common motivation, and a joint pastime, and common topics for conversation. The schedules of vacations and the schedules of "disturbing moments" also coincide. A wife or husband does not need to think about why the "second half" returned from work excited. Part of the family conflicts caused by troubles at work goes away, because work issues are resolved in the office, during working hours. Therefore, when people come home, they really want to relax - calmly and sincerely spend their free time with each other.

Minuses

The obvious disadvantages of the joint work of the spouses include emotional burnout, the transfer of work conflicts to the kitchen, or vice versa, personal relationships - to the office, when other colleagues witness family squabbles and savor every detail of the quarrel with pleasure. It is important to be able to clearly distinguish between work and home and not mix one with the other. In addition, the disadvantages of working in the same office are also associated with quickly getting used to the husband (wife). He (she) is no longer seen as a sexual partner or as an interesting person, because he cannot say anything new - everything is only within the framework of general knowledge.

Hierarchy of spouses

Does it matter for spouses whether they are on the same rung of the career ladder, or whether one of them occupies a dominant position? According to psychologists, much here depends on the personal qualities of the partners themselves. If a man is not too authoritarian and in no way - neither in the family, nor in his career - does not seek to “subdue” his wife, and the spouse, in turn, does not set herself the goal of taking a leading position, then both are quite satisfied with the relationship of “two equal specialists” .

If we are talking about a normal average family, then there should be no conflicts on the basis of a career. In an ordinary family, both partners are equally aimed at success, and whoever went uphill faster is well done. You have to be deeply selfish in relation to your “second half” to say: “You succeeded, but I didn’t, so you sit next to me and don’t try to achieve more.”

The situation when the husband is the boss and the wife is the subordinate is considered quite normal and acceptable. But here, too, there are pitfalls. For example, a spouse, I feel in a special position, can afford to be late, violate discipline, and the husband, although he makes comments to her, these comments are not taken seriously by his wife. In this case, as psychologists say, work relationships are only a reflection of family relationships. Unregulated personal relationships are also manifested in unregulated work. That is, such a "mess" can be characteristic of spouses not only in a situation related to work, but also in any other.

The situation is she is the boss - he is the subordinate. If even 5-10 years ago such relationships seemed out of the ordinary, and infringing on the rights of men, today they are perceived more calmly. Here, again, everything is deeply individual and largely depends on the personal characteristics of both spouses. The model of feminism is gradually seeping into society, and is fixed in it. Men are no longer as painful and zealous as before, they are related to the fact that ladies occupy leadership positions. Subordinate husbands are also more relaxed about their job duties and bosses: “I was able to achieve career growth - well done, I respect you as a specialist!” That is, in this case, not gender differences are taken into account, but professional achievements.

Is it worth standing up for the "second half" in front of the boss?

It happens that in an office where spouses work together, one of them gets into a difficult situation. Should the other one help him?

If a woman faces difficulties, she expects her husband to help her deal with the problem. And then the husband, in turn, faces a difficult choice, whether to help his wife or not, and would he intervene in the situation if there was another person in the place of his wife? It is especially difficult to decide what to do when the boss suddenly scolds the spouse for her work.

In this case, the answer is obvious. You need to clearly understand that a house is a house, and an office is an office in which there are no concepts of a husband-wife, but there is a concept of a professional. And if suddenly the boss reprimands the "second half" for poor-quality work, then it is better not to interfere. It is better to come up later and reassure, support your wife (husband), say something encouraging. But to enter into an open conflict with the boss is stupid, especially if he is right.

Rarely get divorced due to working together

One of the most common myths about the joint work of spouses sounds like this: “At home, each other’s eyes are an eyesore, and they don’t rest from each other at work.” Say, the constant joint pastime is so annoying that it often becomes the cause of divorce. In fact, according to psychologists, working together can only be a reason for divorce, but the reasons, as a rule, are much more serious and lie in something completely different. Marriages do not collapse out of the blue; there must be strong prerequisites for this.

Own business strengthens the family

If a husband and wife work not “for their uncle”, but for themselves, then this is very good for the family. When spouses are, for example, co-owners of the same company, their relationship only grows stronger in joint work, because in addition to personal interest, marriage is also strengthened by partnerships and financial relationships. And in the case when each of the spouses has a share in the common business, joint work does not interfere with the family, but, on the contrary, unites it.

According to psychologists, one of the strongest unions also happens when specialists of the same profession work in different organizations (provided that the organizations do not compete with each other). Then there is a passion for each other, and common topics for conversation, and the opportunity to help the “second half” grow professionally. At the same time, the partners do not annoy each other's eyes, they have the opportunity to relax from each other during the working day.

A joint business for two with a husband, a common cause or just work in the same company is a common situation in which spouses are together almost around the clock, first at work, then at home. How does this affect relationships? Is it possible to work together with a spouse without harming the family?

Working with your husband - benefits

For some, working together with a loved one is a dream. No worries about where he stays, you can admire him all day from your table, lunch breaks - together, home - together. The other shudders in horror - “With your husband? Work? Never!". Are there really positive things about working with your spouse?

• Mutual assistance. Having problems at work? Argued with the boss? Can't finish your order? Confused by the report? So here he is, the savior - near. Always help and support.
• Self-confidence. When there is a person behind your back, not theoretically (somewhere there, at home), but in fact - this allows you to feel more confident.
• Husband and wife at work are perceived as a single entity. Therefore, it is unlikely that anyone will dare to seriously "encroach" on their beloved half - that is, intrigues are practically excluded. As, in fact, on the female side: flirting with colleagues, being under the gaze of a spouse, will not work.
• Understanding. When working together, the wife is always up to date. And the husband does not have to squeeze out of himself - "We have an emergency, the boss is evil, there is no mood," because the wife already knows about it.
• Family budget savings on transport costs.
• More serious attitude to work. For bosses, a married couple "with experience" at work is a huge plus.
• You can come to corporate parties with your spouse , relax calmly, dance and drink champagne - the husband will insure if there is too much drinking, he will make sure that he does not blurt out too much, and will take him home safe and sound.
• Staying late after work is normal for working spouses . No one will painfully wait for anyone at home, warming up dinner for the n-th time - the spouses can return from work at least after midnight, and they will have no reason for suspicion.

What problems can arise when a husband and wife work together?

Unfortunately, there are many more disadvantages in working together with a spouse. Although much depends on the form of work. For example, joint business carries more advantages, but joint activity in one company "Uncle" - more minuses. There is no need to talk about the form "husband (wife) \u003d boss".

So, the disadvantages of working together:

• The higher the authority of the spouse, the higher (on a subconscious level) the attraction to him. Each other's successes and failures at work are clearly visible to both, and any crisis or just an unsuccessful period lowers the husband's authority in the eyes of his wife. Consequently - decreased sexual desire for him .
• If both spouses work for the company, rivalry on the career ladder is also possible . They are unlikely to push each other off the “steps” and shove with their elbows, but the feeling of annoyance, dissatisfaction and resentment will be provided.
• At work, it is almost impossible to hide your emotions. If the spouses are in a quarrel, it will be visible to everyone. But this is not the main problem. After a domestic quarrel, spouses working separately usually calm down for a working day if the quarrel was trifling. When working together, quarreling spouses are forced to be together. As a result, irritation grows, performance decreases, showdowns begin - a quarrel develops into a serious conflict.
• Usually we try not to talk about personal relationships at work. But in this case, both the spouse himself and your relationships - at a glance . Which often becomes an occasion for gossip and caustic jokes.
• Given that the team perceives spouses as one, there is a risk that Husband's mistakes will be passed on to his wife (and vice versa).
• If the team is dominated by women, not without jealousy . It's one thing when a husband goes to work, and the wife does not see with whom and how he communicates, and quite another when the wife is forced to watch how his wife is "confused" by unmarried colleagues.
• Constantly being together is a serious test. even for the strongest couples. Working “separately” is an opportunity to take a break from each other and have time to get bored. When working together, the idea often arises to change jobs or temporarily live separately.
• Newlyweds working together have the hardest time of all. It is quite difficult to resist when your loved one is so close, and the candy-bouquet period with its passions is in full swing. And the bosses and colleagues are unlikely to like it.
• If the spouse's job is to communicate closely with clients , with which you need to be the charm itself, the husband will not withstand such tension for a long time. She didn’t smile at Tom, she shook hands with him for too long - not far from a quarrel.
• Husband-boss or wife-boss - the most difficult option . Indeed, from his second half, the manager should ask, as well as from the rest of the employees. Of course, a public “flogging” for an untimely delivery of an order will doubly humiliate your beloved half. Yes, and concessions from the spouse-boss will not do any good - colleagues will begin to grind their teeth and will perceive you as the “eyes and ears” of the leader.
• No less difficult will be the joint work of that couples who have separated or are on the path to divorce . Not to fall into the dirt in front of colleagues who are almost watching your relationship with popcorn in their hands is a talent. As a rule, someone has to refuse work.
• All communication after work, one way or another, comes down to problems at work. . Few couples manage to leave working moments outside the threshold of their apartment.
• In a situation where one spouse is the boss of the other, there is a problem in promotion . If there is no promotion even on merit, this will lead to serious grievances that will come back to haunt family life. If the promotion occurs, then colleagues will perceive it biased - that is, as a result of close relationships.

Psychologists' advice - how to work together with your husband without complications for work and family

Together until the end of their days ... both at home and at work. And, it seems, a common cause should bring together, but often quite the opposite happens. Appears fatigue from each other, irritation accumulates . And in the evenings, he spends less and less time next to you, running away to the garage to fix the car.

How to save relationships while working with your spouse?

• Try, if possible, to return home separately from time to time. For example, you can drop by a friend after work or go shopping. At least a couple of hours a day should rest from each other.
• Avoid talking about work outside of its walls - neither at home, nor on the way home, there should be no discussion of working moments. Of course, there is nothing fatal about discussing work over dinner. But one day it may turn out that in addition to work, you have no common topics for conversation.
• On weekends, be sure to get out somewhere to relax and escape from work. , plan purchases and trips for the future, delight children with family trips "to the light".
• Clearly separate your roles at home and at work. It is in your apartment that he is a beloved man who will kiss, pass by, make coffee, regret and hug. At work, he is your colleague (or boss). By trying to remind him that you are also a wife, you run the risk of ruining your relationship with your husband and putting him in an unsightly light in front of your colleagues. Try to restrain your emotions, even if you feel like slamming the door.
• Shouldn't wait for him at the door if he said that the meeting would be until the evening. Pack up and leave alone. And then asking colleagues - what time he left the meeting, and who else remained at work - is also not necessary. If you are unable to control your jealousy, look for another job. So that later you do not have to change your husband.
• Don't isolate yourself from the team trying to stick only to her husband. Be equal with everyone, at work you are all colleagues.
• Did your husband get promoted but you didn't? Rejoice in his success .
• Don't interfere if your half has been called to the carpet and reprimanded for a job well done. After a reprimand, you can approach and support, but it is absurd to conflict with your general leader as “his wife”. In the end, both of you will be fired.

And remember that working together can only cause the collapse of the family boat if if this boat was already bursting at the seams.

Our expert - practicing psychologist, personal growth coach, head of the club "Residence of happiness" Elena Shinkova.

Problem

Started for health, ended for peace

When a business is just starting to build, family relationships at work can serve you well. Who, if not a close person, is able to work for a long time with full dedication, to be sympathetic to the need to spend evenings, and sometimes weekends at work and not demand a pay increase?

However, after success is achieved, work disputes often turn into family quarrels. There may be several reasons. Perhaps one of the spouses ceases to appreciate the contribution of a partner, or, conversely, a husband or wife begins to demand too much.

However, couples who come to work in an already established team are not immune from such quarrels. At first, at the stage of adaptation to a new environment, the spouses act as a well-coordinated team - they are, as it were, "friends among strangers." But, after the positions at the new job are firmly won, the couple can start “internecine wars”, and the conflict will appear within the family. However, in families where relationships are harmonious and time-tested, this problem, as a rule, can be avoided.

You should not start a common business or get a job at one enterprise for couples whose relationship has not yet been established. If you have intra-family problems, you do not need to add work to them.

Don't get personal. Close people know each other's strengths and weaknesses better than others. You do not need to use your knowledge to solve work issues.

Problem

We are together all the time...

Being with your spouse twenty-four hours a day is a scary prospect for some. But this fear is not always justified. In many families, this relationship model suits both spouses, moreover, it even strengthens their marriage.

If you feel like you need a break from your significant other, feel free to give yourself a break sometimes. This doesn't mean you have to leave. Just spend your leisure time apart from your husband or wife from time to time. If spouses trust each other, this will not cause discontent.

Problem

Borders erased

There are situations when grievances inflicted during the working day, or criticism on production issues become the cause of family quarrels. If your boss reprimanded you, you will try to distract yourself at home. If, due to a failed report, your spouse criticized you, this can be a reason for revenge on the family front. “You scolded me at work - you cook dinner yourself!” - this type of relationship should be avoided

Try to be more aware of family conflicts. Ask yourself, what is really causing your dissatisfaction? Maybe your resentment has nothing to do with family life? Then why fight at home? Maybe it's better to discuss it during the workshop?

Feel free to talk about your feelings. After all, it happens that the spouse sincerely does not understand the reasons for the quarrel. You are offended by an incorrect remark at work, and your husband wonders why he is accused of callousness at home.

Problem

Passion for success

As a rule, this is typical for couples whose activities are related to publicity - journalists, artists, artists. Then the fame and glory that fell to the lot of one of the spouses can become a reason for the jealousy of the other.

If success at work is more important than family values, marriage is doomed. Therefore, decide on priorities. If the family is the main thing for you, it will not be difficult to find a compromise. As a rule, in this situation, the woman makes concessions. It is easier for her to give up her career in order to “provide a rear” for a successful spouse.

-There is nothing wrong with getting a job through an acquaintance. What is more terrible is that in the 1990s a severe blow was dealt to our education. Suddenly it became possible not to study, but to buy diplomas. I paid money and passed the exam. All for money. And so it is in all areas.

Problem

Who is the boss at work, he is the commander at home

It is believed that if one of the spouses managed to win a commanding chair, then at home he will command those who are in the role of a subordinate at work. Fortunately, this does not always happen. Often at home, an “ordinary employee” is perfectly able to put the “boss” in his place. But it happens that bosses really begin to abuse their position, making excessive demands on a loved one at work. Who will be on extracurricular duty? It's easier to ask a wife than someone else. Yes, and many bosses try to avoid unnecessary praise to a loved one, fearing sidelong glances from other subordinates.

If fate has given you a leadership position, try to objectively evaluate the efforts expended by your spouse and adequately evaluate them. Even if the business situation requires additional labor costs, you should not think that all of them should fall on the shoulders of your soulmate.

If you are acting as a subordinate, do not hesitate to ask for a raise. You need to do this as if the boss is not your loved one. That is, do not just whine about the fact that you do not have enough money, but enlist a list of your production successes. Asking for a raise is only after you have established relationships with the team. After all, if it didn’t work out with colleagues, gossip that you received an increase undeservedly cannot be avoided.