How to ignore someone who annoys you? How to rid yourself of the machinations of negative people How to ignore people
Watch a video from Vladimir Dovgan in which he shares his experience on the opinions of others and gives vivid examples from life:
History of Michael Dell
Michael Dell created one of the largest corporations in the world. You probably know about the Dell brand or have heard about it. When he studied at the university, he began to assemble computers in the hostel. He really liked this occupation and, moreover, began to generate income, which increased over time. Michael Dell had a dilemma - what to choose? Is your business interesting or boring lectures? He dropped out of university.
When his parents unexpectedly came to him, they saw a room littered with computers. And they see that their child has dropped out of university. And for parents, especially if they are parents of workers, collective farmers, farmers - for them a higher education or some prestigious university, you know, this is a dream. And, of course, Michael Dell's parents quarreled with him very much, quarreled. They didn't understand him. And they were very offended, pushed him away.
In his memoirs, Michael writes: “Only years later I forgave my parents and, probably, they forgave me.” He did not listen to the opinions of others, his relatives and chose what he liked. That is why his company became a multi-billion dollar company.
Fathers and Sons
Contradictions between generations, between unconscious parents and children have always been, are and will be. But this does not mean that you should follow the path chosen by someone for you. You need to find compromises, you need to respect your parents, love them. Everything must be done to minimize their injury. But if there is a choice, to go your own way or be pleasing to your parents, live according to their ideas, live according to their ideas about success, about your career, in general, in principle, about the future, then, of course, you need to choose your own path.
If you betray your purpose, your path, your passion, your love for a woman, for business or for development, what will happen? Yes, you will become a miserable person. You will play a false role, you will try to please your parents and you will miss your life. And when you are unhappy, you will not make anyone happy. Only doing what you love, only when you fall in love with your loved one, can you be happy.
Modern time today, modern time is different. Parents, the older generation does not always even understand what kind of world you live in and what awaits you tomorrow. They can't even imagine it. They measure everything with their line, their experience. However, respect for parents, love is the basis of your success. Be happy. Go your own way.
How do you feel about the opinion of others, the majority, when it comes to your actions?
We live in society, so we involuntarily listen to the opinions of the people around us. And do not feed the human race with bread - let them talk, gossip about others. But sometimes the opinion of us is impartial. And, when you accidentally hear bad words addressed to you, you involuntarily have a question: “How to behave? Ignore or respond in kind?
It is inherent in any of us to have our own point of view on events and people, but some cannot boldly state their thoughts about what is happening. Others do not hesitate to express their views on this situation.
An opinion is an assessment of some object, an event or a life situation that passes through the prism of the perception of the world by an individual. It follows that each person looks at the situation based on his own life experience. Therefore, the opinion of any of us, taken separately, cannot be absolutely correct. Our opinion is not an axiom for other people. Each of us is entitled to our own point of view.
Each opinion should be questioned, evaluated and not taken unconditionally. If you respect a person, this does not mean that his opinion should always coincide with yours.
It doesn’t matter if people have a negative or positive opinion about you, it is important to think about why they had such a point of view, what accompanied it. Maybe a person, having heard some phrase from your lips, mistakenly attributed it to his own account, and thus his opinion about you has changed dramatically.
It is not very pleasant when people, not knowing you, completely rely on the opinion of someone about you. It is hard for such people to prove otherwise, and is it worth it?
People who respond adequately to the comments of others do not become personal - they are confident and independent individuals. If a person in his actions is based on the point of view of others, before doing something, this person is most likely not self-confident, weak-willed, prone to pessimism, closed and waiting for a catch in everything. Such people always expect praise and approval from others. This type of people will say one thing in front of their eyes, and another thing behind their eyes, their opinions change at the speed of light. They, even having their own point of view on the situation, are afraid to express it, and this fear is connected with the fact that they can be condemned, ridiculed for his supposedly erroneous opinion. Such people perceive faceless phrases as a condemnation in their direction.
Of course, we should not be indifferent to the opinions of others, but we must remember that this is a subjective point of view. If one person thinks so, it does not mean that everyone thinks so. You will also find like-minded people.
You need to be able to make decisions on your own. Of course, you can ask someone's opinion, but after analyzing all the pros and cons, we must make our own, the only right decision for ourselves, without looking back at the opinions of others. Only in this way we will not fall into dependence on someone else's opinion.
Try to connect with people more. The wider the circle of contacts, the more chances you have not to become dependent on someone else's opinion, as you have more different information, and you learn different views on life.
We are satisfied with life when close and significant people love and wait for us. This dependence can be taken for granted and "do not scratch where it does not itch." And what to do if public opinion haunts? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.
It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who will think about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? The famous once said: “I don’t care what you think of me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about the opinions of others, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.
People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most need the approval of others, sometimes even those who are unsympathetic to them. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once said: “... Believe me, I care what people think about me, ... because I'm not a robot ".
Impressive people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young ones, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps it will be easier for them when they learn about the 18-40-60 rule of the American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, among which is “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life!”. He assures his patients, suffering from complexes, insecure and overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18, you care about what others think about you, at 40 you don’t give a damn about it, and at 60 you understand that others about you don't think at all."
Where does this dependence on other people's opinions come from, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming the interlocutor, making a favorable impression on him, no. After all, as they say, "a kind word is pleasant for a cat."
We are talking about something else: about cases when, in an effort to please a person, he says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not in the way that is convenient for him, but in the way that friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their own lives. How many destinies did not take place due to the fact that the opinions of others were put above their own!
Such problems have always existed - as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., remarked: "Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner."
Psychologists say that dependence on someone else's opinion is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people do not value themselves is another question. They may have been bullied by authoritarian or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities because of the failures that followed one after another. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings as not worthy of someone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, out of love and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”.
By the way, the well-known work by A. Griboyedov “Woe from Wit”, written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not worried about the conflict that occurred in his house, but “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?”. In this work, the Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.
Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not considered and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. In fact, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a sense of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.
True, there is another extreme: one's opinion, desires and feelings are put above all else. Such people live by the principle: "There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one." But that, as they say, is "an entirely different story."
Is it possible to learn not to depend on the opinions of others?
As the secretary Verochka from the film “Office Romance” said, if you wish, “you can also teach a hare to smoke.” But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including
1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself
And for this, first of all, a strong desire is needed. Writer Ray Bradbury said to people, "You can get whatever you want, as long as you really want it."
To change yourself means to change the way you think. The one who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, it suits him). After all, everything that we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth considering what is paramount for us - our own life or the illusions of other people.
Known for his bright individuality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals, he developed in his childhood;
2. Control yourself
Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to someone else's. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.
There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact, friends, parents, colleagues have already decided everything for us. Marriage is forced on a young man, because “it’s necessary” and “it’s time”, because all friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some young man with her to the village during the holidays, passing her off as her husband, because the mother is ashamed in front of her neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need, arrange expensive weddings, just to meet other people's expectations.
When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking ourselves how it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it is easy to let yourself be led astray from your own life path;
3. Love yourself
Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will condemn us. How many people, so many opinions - it is impossible to please everyone. Yes, and I am “not a chervonets to please everyone,” said some literary hero.
So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Wouldn't it be better to look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a whole.
A person who does not love his house does not put it in order and does not decorate it. He who does not love himself does not care about his development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he does not have his own opinion and passes off someone else's as his own;
4. Stop thinking
Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of those around us. A married colleague had an affair with an employee. Nobody was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance, he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered, and eventually quit, unable to withstand, as he believed, behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is primarily concerned with his own problems.
All people are primarily concerned with themselves, and even if someone puts on socks of different colors, a sweater inside out, dyes their hair pink, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention to himself. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, to whom we are often completely indifferent;
5. Learn to ignore someone else's opinion if it is not constructive
Only those who are nothing are not criticized. The American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then "do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." And we don't want to be nobody. This means that we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to the one with which we do not agree, not allowing it to determine our life. The famous, addressing the graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: "Your time is limited, do not waste it living someone else's life."
Other people's successes and popularity often cause envy among people who crave them, but who lack the intelligence, abilities, self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinion in the comments, trying to break and force to “leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly gained fame. And sometimes they succeed.
Those who love to criticize, wrote Oscar Wilde, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are worthy of regret, and they should be treated with a share of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.
We always worry what people around us think, as it is directly related to our perception of ourselves as individuals. Other people's opinions really affect us in various situations, whether it's giving up alcohol during a party or deciding to work on ourselves and become more confident.
Often our choices - for example, choosing a job, choosing a spouse - and our actions are limited due to fear of judgment and criticism from other people. This phenomenon is a serious problem for many of us. Therefore, in this article we will consider effective ways, how to ignore what others think.
Why do we care what other people think
Sometimes useful pay attention to the opinions of others. That part of our consciousness that is afraid of condemnation often protects us from bad deeds. If we didn’t care about others, we could, for example, run naked to the shops. Agree, this is a very useful protective function of our consciousness.
The reason why we pay attention to other people's opinions is that our perception of ourselves is based on good or bad judgments of other people about us.
Since we think that part of our personality is how others see us (funny, "cool", confident, shy), we strive to protect this component so that our personality does not suffer.
However, your personality is not what others think of you, it's... it's just you. And if you do something that makes you feel guilty, then you should pay attention to it.
Stop paying attention to what other people think
Hardly possible at all stop paying attention to the opinions of others. It is also unlikely that their opinion brings only harm. We are social beings, and the reaction of others to our actions (for example, if we behave very stupidly) helps to understand that we could behave more correctly.
But the problem of excessive anxiety and dependence on the opinions of others remains relevant for thousands of people. By solving this problem, many of us would remove all those restrictions that really interfere with a full and interesting life.
Imagine how different the world would be if we could all start doing the things we really want to do, become the people we want to be, and live the way we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we could all be a part of creating it... and that is actually the purpose of existence.
The question arises: how not to depend on someone else's opinion?
So let's get down to action..
How to learn not to pay attention to the opinions of others?
1. Stop making up problems
If your every action is accompanied by thoughts " what will others think?", then know: you are not the navel of the Earth, at least for those around you for sure. Most likely, in most cases you think that people condemn you, although in reality they do not care. You yourself do not make a detailed opinion about every person you meet man, right?
The best way to test this is to go a little outside the box and do something out of character for you and see how other people react. Most likely, only your friends and acquaintances will pay attention and comment on your actions, but strangers will not care.
2. Put things into perspective
For people who never think about what others will say about them, such a problem may seem strange or far-fetched. The fact is that as soon as you begin to closely consider such “problems”, you immediately understand that they are not worth such attention.
We only live once, and are you ready to let other people's thoughts ruin your life?
That would be stupid, right?
Along with the fact that life is one and too short to worry about such things, there is another reason. ignore other people's opinions A: Their views change over time.
Suppose at some point in time people make fun of you for wearing yellow sneakers. You decide this was the last time you wore them and you will never wear them again. But what if the mind of the person who was laughing at you changes, and he himself begins to wear yellow shoes? Will you put on your sneakers again?
Or another example of depending on someone else's opinion: a high school student was bullied because of his long hair, but six months later, the fashion for haircuts changed and many guys in the class (including those who mocked him) grew long hair themselves.
People change their minds and what they think of you now may not matter in the future. You're not going to wait for fashion to change so that only people can think you're modern and cool, are you? We hope that these examples will help you understand the situation and put everything in perspective. You should not depend on someone else's opinion!
3. Be confident
It seems that we are in almost any situation care about the attitude of others. So how not to depend on someone else's opinion? Maybe we should try to reduce the cases when we think about condemnation from the outside? It is quite possible. The point is simply to be more confident in your decisions and actions. 
Have you ever seen a person who, for example, somehow dressed strangely or behaved differently from everyone else, and at the same time he would be normally perceived and not condemned?
If you are wearing yellow shoes and you feel clearly uncomfortable in them, then people will understand this and will choose you as an object of ridicule - because they feel your awkwardness and, most likely, they will want to assert themselves in this way at your expense.
However, if you proud and confident walk around in those boots, completely oblivious to other people's comments, then you will see that most people (if not all) will not even think of mocking you. Thus, your dependence on someone else's opinion will be minimal.
4. Learn to control your feelings
As soon as you start to overcome the limitations that bind you, or just try to become more self-confident, no doubt - you will immediately begin to be overcome by a variety of feelings, ranging from stress, anxiety and fear, up to relief and joy. This state can be like a real roller coaster; here it is very important to be able to cope with such an influx of emotions.
Here are some simple steps to help you with this:
Be aware of exactly what feeling you are currently experiencing - for example, fear or anxiety
Watch your emotions
Note that because you are observing your emotions, they are no longer part of you.
Watch these emotions disappear
Once you can observe your emotions and feelings, and can separate yourself from them, then it will be easier for you to deal with them. And you will learn to ignore the opinions of others.
5. Accept yourself for who you are.
If you constantly judge yourself, then you will undoubtedly think that others around you are also far from having a better opinion of you. Often the root cause of this is self-created beliefs that there is something wrong with you. Accepting yourself is not so easy, but it really helps to solve the problem.
First of all, think about what exactly you do not like about yourself, and write it down on paper point by point. Now, look at these points and see if any of them can be changed. For example, if you're thin and you don't like it, think about ways you can get better and gain weight. However, if you would like to be taller, you cannot change it. In such cases, think that it could be worse. So, if your height is 170 cm and you don’t like it, think about what it would be like for you if your height was two meters or even 150 cm. Your height may not be ideal, but there are people with more “imperfect” growth .
But such things help only for a while, if you constantly look for shortcomings in others or think about what else to change in yourself, then it will be very difficult for you accept yourself the way you are.
Over time, you will begin to understand how insignificant the things that you used to worry about so much turned out to be, you will begin to relate to everything easier and stop worrying about trifles.
What's next?
The best way cope with dependence on other people's opinions is to try to change your mindset and focus on different (more important) areas of your own life, rather than constantly worrying about what others think of you. Life is too short to waste time on empty experiences.
Each inhabitant of the planet, as a social being, performs many of his actions with an eye on other members of the society where he lives: whether it will harm them, whether it will cause them discontent. Some make such a reconciliation of public opinion only occasionally, others are not able to fully exist without the approval of others. For them, the problem of how not to pay attention to people who broadcast exclusively dissatisfaction and negativity, subjecting every act to merciless criticism or striking with their own stupidity, but not getting tired of being imposed on it, is an urgent problem. To correct the situation will help following some advice from psychologists.
How to Ignore People's Opinions: Boosting Self-Esteem
Difficulties learning to ignore people are usually the result of low self-esteem. Why it is underestimated is the second question. Often this style of behavior and inadequate assessment of one's own personality comes from childhood. Significant adults sometimes, when raising a young member of society, do not even notice that they are breaking him, humiliating his personal dignity, convincing him that they are of no value. If this happens for years, and the character of the child is a priori not too strong, he develops serious psychological complexes on the basis of such negativity. To eradicate them, you will have to work on increasing self-esteem. Auto-trainings, analysis of one's own talents and merits, their development and application in practice will help here.
How to Ignore Negative People: Setting Psychological Boundaries
Often, those who are overly dependent on social evaluation simply violate psychological boundaries. They unwittingly give others the right to criticize every aspect of their own lives, down to personal preferences. A person who pays attention to such trifles runs the risk of losing his own individuality, turning into a shadow of public opinion. To begin with, he needs to ask himself the question of Chatsky: who is judging him? Are perfect beings devoid of flaws? It is necessary to decide whom and to what extent he is ready to let himself in. Stop any attempts by outsiders to speak out on issues that should not worry them, because they are too personal.
How to ignore unpleasant people: knowing yourself and cutting off unconstructive judgments
To eliminate dependence on other people's assessments, you will have to thoroughly work on yourself. First you need to learn to separate the personal from the imposed from the outside. We will have to analyze what our own desires are, what the soul aspires to. Make a plan to achieve those goals. Cut off those aspirations that are manifested due to the requirements of parents or others around and contradict personal needs. Asking the question of how one can ignore a person who bears condemnation, one must be clearly aware that benevolence is not always driven by outsiders in such statements. Some are guided by envy, the desire to humiliate. If someone is pouring negativity simply out of a desire to criticize, it makes sense to ignore his words.
How to Ignore Stupid People: No Touchiness
Anyone who is offended by someone else's criticism only makes things worse for themselves. This does not bring negative feelings to the offenders, and some of them - with troll inclinations - will rejoice at the deterioration in the mood of the one who was poured with emotional slop. There are several options for productive actions on how to ignore a harmful person:
- Ignoring, reducing contacts with unpleasant personalities to a minimum.
- Communicating with those who are unpleasant, exclusively on issues that cannot be avoided, not allowing them to be personal.
- Unwillingness to enter into disputes, especially with narrow-minded individuals. The advice of the great Mark Twain will come in handy here: you should not argue with an idiot, because then you get into his territory, and there he will crush you with his own experience.
- Internal readiness for the adverse consequences of some of their actions, because only the one who is inactive does not make mistakes.
- Lack of regular recovery in the memory of other people's non-constructive statements. This does not mean that a person has ceased to pay attention to himself and his own shortcomings. Only constructive criticism should be taken into account.
How to ignore the rudeness of people: humor to help
It is not easy to resist the outright rudeness of strangers. Educated individuals from this sometimes fall into a stupor. Some have a desire to repay the same, no less rudely speaking out in response. It is impossible to allow such actions, because this is what the boor often achieves, trying to unbalance the other, and then point him to imperfection.
It makes sense to use such experience for hardening one's own character, educating strong-willed qualities. Other people's negativity should be treated approximately the way people paid attention to mold - the history of the invention of antibiotics that saved many lives. In other words, try to extract something useful for yourself from negative situations. Since it is still necessary to fight back against a boor, it is desirable to use directness and humor for such purposes. A good example of this is the situation that arose in public transport with one resourceful woman. She was sent along a route known to many by a former drunk citizen. She replied that she was there more often than this character was sober.